1
00:00:23,687 --> 00:00:25,962
- (CHILDREN SHOUTING)
- That's enough!

2
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,357
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

3
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,165
I said that's enough!

4
00:00:30,327 --> 00:00:32,443
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

5
00:00:32,727 --> 00:00:36,845
Another word
and we'll all be here till five o'clock.

6
00:00:37,007 --> 00:00:41,364
Well, it's nothing to me, is it?
I've got all the time in the world!

7
00:00:45,287 --> 00:00:46,276
I got to the end of the corridor

8
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,165
and there was such a din...

9
00:00:48,327 --> 00:00:51,876
All the other teachers opened their doors
wondering what the hell was going on!

10
00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:54,845
- (BOY) I can't stand...
- Somebody's talking now.

11
00:00:57,647 --> 00:00:59,285
- (GIRL LAUGHS)
- (TEACHER) Somebody found it funny?

12
00:00:59,447 --> 00:01:01,085
(LAUGHTER STOPS)

13
00:01:01,247 --> 00:01:04,398
How many times have I told you?
Laughing always comes to crying.

14
00:01:04,967 --> 00:01:09,279
- Right, hands on heads.
- (GROANING)

15
00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:12,245
Come on, that includes you.
Put that comb away.

16
00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:14,841
Eyes front. Hands on heads.

17
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:28,357
(DISTANT) Forward, down, side, together.
Forward, down, side, together...

18
00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:31,166
(BELL RINGS)

19
00:01:31,407 --> 00:01:34,399
(TEACHER) Who said move?

20
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:38,799
- Nobody said move.
- (ALL) Aw...

21
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:44,165
Eyes front. Hands on head.

22
00:01:44,327 --> 00:01:47,478
Next one to groan stands on his seat.

23
00:01:47,647 --> 00:01:51,481
I know the bell's gone.
Glazebrook, put your watch away.

24
00:01:54,087 --> 00:01:58,160
We are going to have one minute's
perfect silence before we go,

25
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,283
if we have to wait till midnight.

26
00:02:00,447 --> 00:02:04,201
(SILENCE)

27
00:02:04,367 --> 00:02:08,121
(TEACHER) Now, that's nice. I like that.

28
00:02:08,287 --> 00:02:10,084
We could have had this sooner.

29
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:13,717
Then we wouldn't be wasting time
but doing something we enjoyed.

30
00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:17,595
- Eyes front. Hands on breasts.
- (LAUGHTER)

31
00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:19,917
Who wants to start another minute?

32
00:02:20,087 --> 00:02:22,362
(LAUGHTER STOPS)

33
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:28,202
Whatever it is that's tickled
your Stone-Age sense of humour,

34
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,562
when all my efforts have failed...

35
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:32,718
...save it till you're outside.

36
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:37,318
I'm going to the staff room now
to get my coat.

37
00:02:37,487 --> 00:02:43,039
And you will be as quiet as mice.
No, fish, till I get back.

38
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:46,005
Not a sound. Not a bubble.

39
00:03:14,927 --> 00:03:16,804
(TOOTS HORN)

40
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,367
(BOY) Go on, then, push!

41
00:03:21,527 --> 00:03:23,995
(BANG)

42
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:26,158
(ENGINE ROARS)

43
00:03:26,327 --> 00:03:28,363
(CHEERING)

44
00:03:30,207 --> 00:03:38,239


45
00:03:38,407 --> 00:03:46,087


46
00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:52,720


47
00:03:52,887 --> 00:04:00,646


48
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,799


49
00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:07,721
(HONKING)

50
00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:18,605


51
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:22,806


52
00:04:22,967 --> 00:04:26,482
- (WOMAN) Hurry up!
- Come on, sir. Let's move it to the side.

53
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:32,995


54
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:43,566


55
00:05:11,447 --> 00:05:14,120
(MEOWS)

56
00:05:14,287 --> 00:05:15,959
No, you don't...

57
00:05:16,127 --> 00:05:19,403
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

58
00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:28,322
Tea is ready.

59
00:05:35,967 --> 00:05:37,844
Here you are.

60
00:05:38,007 --> 00:05:40,043
Here!

61
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,560
- What's that?
- What?

62
00:05:41,727 --> 00:05:42,955
- On your face.
- Where?

63
00:05:43,127 --> 00:05:44,401
- Near your eye.
- What?

64
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:46,558
- A great black thing.
- For Christ's sake!

65
00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:48,922
- It's a spider. Knock it off.
- How?

66
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,203
Knock it off on the floor.

67
00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:57,077
- I confiscated it from Terry Hodges.
- Vicious sod.

68
00:05:57,247 --> 00:05:59,363
- He is, for 13.
- You, I mean.

69
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,166
- In religious instruction?
- It's not funny.

70
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:04,443
That's what I told Terry.

71
00:06:14,687 --> 00:06:16,598
Get away.

72
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:21,915
Now, if you knew
how I've been thinking about you...

73
00:06:22,087 --> 00:06:23,884
- Don't do that.
- What?

74
00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:25,765
You're hands are cold.

75
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,077
- Let's go to bed.
- At quarter to five?

76
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:31,717
All day I've been imagining our bed
and your legs thrashing about.

77
00:06:31,887 --> 00:06:35,482
- Keep that to yourself.
- My tongue halfway down your throat.

78
00:06:35,647 --> 00:06:40,084
- I told you before I can't stand smut.
- Stallions rearing, milk boiling over.

79
00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:45,157
More tea?

80
00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:51,322
- Sugar?
- You want bromide.

81
00:06:51,487 --> 00:06:54,638
Kitchener. Look.

82
00:06:54,807 --> 00:06:56,718
I want you.

83
00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:58,764
(SHE LAUGHS)

84
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,917
Did you have a bad day?

85
00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:05,318
Bad day? You ought to have seen
the staff room.

86
00:07:05,487 --> 00:07:09,036
Christmas spirit nearly at breaking point.

87
00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:13,917
Fatty Brent, Terry Hodges, Glazebrook,
the shop steward - he's got a new watch.

88
00:07:14,087 --> 00:07:16,123
And Scanland, of course,
the missing link.

89
00:07:16,287 --> 00:07:18,642
Pithecanthropus Erectus.

90
00:07:18,807 --> 00:07:21,082
Has he flashed it lately?

91
00:07:21,247 --> 00:07:24,000
- Not at the teachers, anyway.
- Only that once?

92
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:28,524
- That was the only time it was reported.
- He must be a horrible yob.

93
00:07:28,687 --> 00:07:30,837
Oh, I don't hate Scanland anymore.

94
00:07:31,007 --> 00:07:32,804
I just look at him and wonder.

95
00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:36,357
Is he only a monster
of my own imagining?

96
00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:39,678
(GERMAN ACCENT) Certainly nuts -
he strangled a little girl.

97
00:07:39,847 --> 00:07:43,726
But that only means he's Ionely.
We must make him...

98
00:07:43,887 --> 00:07:45,718
...a mate.

99
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:48,799
Never mind, you break up in two days.

100
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,480
I broke up years ago.

101
00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:17,966
What's the point of starting now?
Jo's home any minute.

102
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:19,958
- Well?
- Well?

103
00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:24,439
She's got to be fed, bathed, exercised.
You know that.

104
00:08:24,607 --> 00:08:28,282
- She can wait, can't she?
- What?

105
00:08:28,447 --> 00:08:31,166
- Can't she?
- Why should she?

106
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,363
Anyway, my rehearsal's at seven.

107
00:08:35,527 --> 00:08:39,122
And I promised to paint some scenery
before that.

108
00:08:39,287 --> 00:08:40,766
Yeah.

109
00:08:42,847 --> 00:08:48,797
Your dinner is in the oven.
Ready anytime after eight.

110
00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:51,925
I took those old clothes
to the Unmarried Mothers' today.

111
00:08:52,087 --> 00:08:56,638
- They were only collecting moths.
- The unmarried mothers?

112
00:08:56,807 --> 00:08:58,718
All the wildlife's fed,

113
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:02,926
the cats, the guinea pigs,
the goldfish, the stick insects.

114
00:09:03,887 --> 00:09:07,118
And what else? Oh, yeah,
today I did my Oxfam collection.

115
00:09:07,287 --> 00:09:10,802
Then looked after Jenny's
children while she got her coil fitted.

116
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,686
(SQUEALING)

117
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:21,325
Could we get our guinea pig fitted
with a coil? Guinea sow - whatever it is.

118
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:24,036
Oh, I've got one now.

119
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:28,280
Come with me. It would do you good
to get out and see some people.

120
00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:31,325
What people?

121
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,478
Freddie?

122
00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:35,285
Plenty of whiskey afterwards.

123
00:09:35,447 --> 00:09:39,326
I'll need the whiskey first,
if I have to talk to Freddie.

124
00:09:39,487 --> 00:09:42,843
If I have to watch you taper
about with muck on your face...

125
00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:45,441
Shall I ring you mother
and see if she's free?

126
00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:47,916
What a swinging prospect -
my mother and Freddie.

127
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,759
- I remember...
- (PHONE RINGS)

128
00:09:49,927 --> 00:09:52,760
I seem to remember
that YOU introduced me to Freddie.

129
00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:54,280
Hm.

130
00:09:54,447 --> 00:09:57,200
But at least I don't wallow in self pity.

131
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,562
At least I do something about it.

132
00:09:59,727 --> 00:10:01,957
You and Freddie together, yes.

133
00:10:02,127 --> 00:10:03,719
Ha-ha!

134
00:10:07,087 --> 00:10:11,239
- Well, at least I try and make life work.
- (DOOR CLOSES)

135
00:10:11,407 --> 00:10:14,160
Honestly...

136
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,605
(CAT SQUEALS)

137
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:26,919
Get out of the way
and you won't get stepped on.

138
00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:32,486
(BRI) There you are, lovely. Home again.

139
00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:35,207
Safe and sound.

140
00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:38,439
- Been a good girl, eh?
- (MOANS)

141
00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:40,404
I'm glad to hear it.

142
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:43,081
The lady in the bus
said you've been good.

143
00:10:43,247 --> 00:10:45,158
- (MOANS SOFTLY)
- What's that?

144
00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:47,602
You sat by the driver, hey?

145
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:53,598
- There's a clever girl.
- (MOANS)

146
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,520
Saw the Christmas trees, eh?

147
00:10:56,687 --> 00:11:00,282
- And the shops lit up?
- (MOANS)

148
00:11:00,447 --> 00:11:02,677
What was that?

149
00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:05,566
You saw Jesus?

150
00:11:05,727 --> 00:11:08,161
Where was he, eh?

151
00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:11,046
- Poor softie.
- (MOANS)

152
00:11:11,207 --> 00:11:12,845
I see.

153
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:19,202
Aw, my great, big, beautiful darling,
home again.

154
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:21,961
Got a great, big, beautiful kiss
for mummy?

155
00:11:22,127 --> 00:11:25,324
- (MOANS)
- "Oh, I'm lovely", she says.

156
00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:28,206
"Mad", she says, "but lovely".

157
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:31,837
- She's been a good girl, Dad?
- Very good. Sat by the driver.

158
00:11:32,007 --> 00:11:33,963
Did you sit by the driver, lovely?

159
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:38,405
- Saw all the Christmas trees.
- Saw the Christmas trees? Clever girl.

160
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,797
- And Jesus.
- Jesus?

161
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,084
- Bathed in light in the sky.
- She got a screw loose, Dad?

162
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:46,681
- Seeing Jesus?
- On the electricity building.

163
00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:51,637
- I thought she was off her chump, Dad.
- No wonder. Seeing Jesus in this dump?

164
00:11:51,807 --> 00:11:55,880
- The bus lady says she's doing well.
- Daddy's pleased you' re trying, love.

165
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:58,641
- What with your 11 plus on the way.
- (JOE MOANS)

166
00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:00,877
"I want to go to a decent school",
she says.

167
00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:03,515
Unlike that comprehensive slum
where daddy works.

168
00:12:03,687 --> 00:12:08,203
- "Goes to business".
- Oh, "Goes to business" - sorry.

169
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:11,245
"Share a room with
council-house types and blackies."

170
00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:13,557
"I've had enough of them
at the Spastics' Nursery".

171
00:12:13,727 --> 00:12:17,083
She wants to go to the Training Centre
and make ball-point pens.

172
00:12:17,247 --> 00:12:19,761
"I'm backing Britain", she says.

173
00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:22,760
Here's a note from the nursery.

174
00:12:22,927 --> 00:12:24,155
"School report", Mum.

175
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,966
"The physiotherapist lady came
and looked at us all

176
00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:30,278
"and said, 'Josephine's shoulders
show signs of improvement."

177
00:12:30,447 --> 00:12:32,438
- Woo!
- "Keep on with the exercises."'

178
00:12:32,607 --> 00:12:35,644
Do your homework like a good girl.
Daddy, help.

179
00:12:35,807 --> 00:12:39,720
Mummy can't help because
she's going out for a bit on the side.

180
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:41,718
Let me call your mother, please?

181
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:46,199
What's this? What's this?
She had a few fits today.

182
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:50,918
"But it must have been the excitement
of a birthday party we had."

183
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:54,443
Why is that?
I thought we got them under control.

184
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,122
How will you raise above the general
level if you keep having fits?

185
00:12:58,287 --> 00:13:01,245
It's the first for weeks,
except an occasional petit mal.

186
00:13:01,407 --> 00:13:04,285
Those council-house types
down there, what do they say?

187
00:13:04,447 --> 00:13:07,041
She thinks she's lady muck
with her cut-glass voice.

188
00:13:07,207 --> 00:13:10,165
- She only a moaning raver like all we.
- Poor blossom.

189
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:13,637
You spare the rod,
you spoil the child, Mum.

190
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,398
- Hey, look.
- Huh?

191
00:13:20,127 --> 00:13:21,719
Hello?

192
00:13:21,887 --> 00:13:24,082
(SHEILA) That's great. That explains it.

193
00:13:24,247 --> 00:13:28,240
They've run out
of anticonvulsant suspension again.

194
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:32,400
(SHE READS) "...party we had, or because
we used up all her yellow medicine".

195
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,558
How many times is this?

196
00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:39,278
The amount they use down there,
you'd think they keep it on draft.

197
00:13:39,447 --> 00:13:44,965
Drawn to the day centres and nurseries
in battles by a great fleet of dray horses.

198
00:13:45,127 --> 00:13:49,678
And in the city of Bristol Pharmacy
you can stand as I am standing now

199
00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:53,157
at the nerve centre of
this great operation of mercy,

200
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:56,205
and watch the myriad craftsmen
at their various chores.

201
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:58,323
Give her the phenos.

202
00:14:01,447 --> 00:14:06,396
This great social service
brings new life to dying crafts.

203
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:09,206
I can catch the gleam of horse brasses.

204
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:12,643
I can smell the tang
of the cooper's apron.

205
00:14:14,847 --> 00:14:17,566
I can hear the Enigma Variations.

206
00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:22,960
(GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC:
EDGAR'S "ENIGMA VARIATIONS")

207
00:14:23,127 --> 00:14:26,324


208
00:14:30,807 --> 00:14:35,005
(MUSIC DROWNS OUT VOICES)

209
00:14:49,807 --> 00:14:52,958
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

210
00:15:05,087 --> 00:15:08,966
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

211
00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:34,284
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

212
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:54,316
There's a clever girl.
Now, tell mummy. Are you wet?

213
00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:57,285
Soaked!

214
00:15:57,447 --> 00:16:00,564
- Where's the bag?
- Here.

215
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,520
That one's dry? You've started leaving
the one I send in the bag?

216
00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:09,839
Letting her sit like Joe Egg in the damp?
Her parts get spreezed.

217
00:16:10,007 --> 00:16:12,282
Perhaps she was dry before the fit.

218
00:16:12,447 --> 00:16:16,406
She could hardly have gone all day
without a wee. Poor flower.

219
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:17,966
Never mind.

220
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:21,836
Mummy's got a special treat for tea -
a favourite ice-cream.

221
00:16:25,247 --> 00:16:26,919
I'm late.

222
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,557
Will you change her?
There's ointment in the cupboard.

223
00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:34,037
- Put her on the kitchen table.
- I'm not the new nanny.

224
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:35,845
I know that.

225
00:16:36,007 --> 00:16:37,725
I've done it before.

226
00:16:37,887 --> 00:16:41,482
Once or twice, in the last ten years.

227
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,395
Change first, ice-cream after.

228
00:16:55,887 --> 00:16:59,675
Your favourite flavour,
cannabis resin.

229
00:16:59,847 --> 00:17:01,280
(SHE MOANS)

230
00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:05,756
You look pale, love.

231
00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:09,636
Was a nasty fittie? Never mind.

232
00:17:09,807 --> 00:17:12,799
Say "nasty".

233
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:14,923
"Nasty fit", say.

234
00:17:24,207 --> 00:17:26,721
Very soft hands you've got...

235
00:17:27,887 --> 00:17:30,606
...like silk.

236
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,962
Lady's hands, eh?

237
00:17:34,727 --> 00:17:36,558
They've never done rough work.

238
00:17:37,687 --> 00:17:39,245
(SHE SNEEZES)

239
00:17:39,407 --> 00:17:41,204
- God bless you.
- (MOANS)

240
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:44,718
Daddy, kiss it better, hm?

241
00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:47,242
- (THUD FROM UPSTAIRS)
- Did you hear that?

242
00:17:47,407 --> 00:17:51,116
It's your mother in the bedroom.
She must have dropped them at last.

243
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,847
(SHEILA) When he gets
into one of these moods,

244
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,881
he'll do anything to draw attention.

245
00:17:57,047 --> 00:17:59,720
That spider on his face!

246
00:17:59,887 --> 00:18:05,086
And all this stuff
about Freddie of all people! Christ!

247
00:18:05,247 --> 00:18:08,284
She's a wonderful woman, my wife.

248
00:18:08,447 --> 00:18:10,324
No, seriously.

249
00:18:12,487 --> 00:18:16,366
She works as a whole, not in parts -
unlike me.

250
00:18:17,447 --> 00:18:18,926
(JO MOANS)

251
00:18:19,087 --> 00:18:22,363
I'm Instant Man -
get one for Christmas, endless fun.

252
00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:28,521
All made up from whole lengths of string,
fag ends, magazine cuttings, film clips...

253
00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:33,399
...all stuck together with wedges
of last week's school dinner.

254
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:34,920
(JO MOANS)

255
00:18:35,927 --> 00:18:39,920
Yes, well, you would call it showing off.

256
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:43,602
I'm only trying to call attention to myself.

257
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:47,203
Get more than my fair share.

258
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:50,484
Otherwise, I'd have to settle
for eyes front, hands on heads

259
00:18:50,647 --> 00:18:54,242
and a therapeutic bash
once in a blue moon.

260
00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:58,436
- And I'm too young to die.
- (JO MOANS)

261
00:18:58,607 --> 00:19:00,086
I tell you.

262
00:19:11,607 --> 00:19:13,723
I thought I could smell cigarettes.

263
00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:28,400
Isn't it nice to be able to rest afterwards,

264
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,321
without having to worry
about your mother coming in?

265
00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:34,398
Yeah, we owe that lady.

266
00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:39,641
- Your dowry is standing up to it well.
- What?

267
00:19:39,807 --> 00:19:42,002
The bed.

268
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:46,285
Although, by all accounts
it's been through worse.

269
00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:51,646
This must be a holiday
compared to what you've told me.

270
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:53,763
I'm beginning to wish I hadn't.

271
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:57,476
You're throwing it in my face all the time.

272
00:19:57,647 --> 00:20:01,925
It was you who said
we ought to be honest with each other.

273
00:20:02,087 --> 00:20:06,683
"We should know all about each other",
you said, before we got married.

274
00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:14,842
- Anyway, you told me all yours first.
- All three. That took an hour.

275
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:20,284
And for the next few weeks
you made a shortlist.

276
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:22,802
I wasn't promiscuous by choice.

277
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:28,317
Once you get to a certain stage
with a man, it's hard to say no.

278
00:20:28,487 --> 00:20:32,321
Most girls seemed to manage it with me
at any rate.

279
00:20:32,487 --> 00:20:37,925
Three - out of God knows how many
tens of thousands I must have tried.

280
00:20:38,087 --> 00:20:40,442
They didn't know
what they were missing.

281
00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:47,036
You were the only one,
who gave me real satisfaction.

282
00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:54,925
You know, when you told me that,
I was knocked out.

283
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,762
For days I was thinking
I was some sort of phallic symbol.

284
00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:03,921
She will stick with me, I thought,
because I've got a magic super zoom...

285
00:21:04,087 --> 00:21:06,203
...with added cold start.

286
00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:19,158
Hey...

287
00:21:19,327 --> 00:21:20,965
Those four Americans...

288
00:21:21,127 --> 00:21:22,799
- Where did you get that?
- What?

289
00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:25,800
- Four Americans?
- Wrong?

290
00:21:25,967 --> 00:21:29,323
Two Americans. One Canadian.

291
00:21:29,487 --> 00:21:30,806
Well...

292
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:35,240
They made you lie across a pillow?

293
00:21:37,287 --> 00:21:40,723
It was something
they'd got out of Hemmingway.

294
00:21:40,887 --> 00:21:43,196
And that Welshman, that stoker.

295
00:21:43,367 --> 00:21:45,756
Uh-huh.

296
00:21:45,927 --> 00:21:47,406
Policeman.

297
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:54,479
He was shocked because you used...
rude words in a posh accent.

298
00:21:56,127 --> 00:22:00,040
When it came to getting off your frock,
he was so ravenous, he tore it off.

299
00:22:00,207 --> 00:22:02,163
Shut up.

300
00:22:03,767 --> 00:22:06,076
How shall I figure?

301
00:22:07,087 --> 00:22:09,726
The biggest talker.

302
00:22:10,767 --> 00:22:14,123
You know what? One good
thing about you being pregnant

303
00:22:14,287 --> 00:22:16,198
is we don't have to worry about
you getting pregnant.

304
00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:25,243
- (SHEILA) Did you finish your ice cream?
- (BRI) Yeah.

305
00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:28,240
- I'm off, Bri.
- Right.

306
00:22:31,487 --> 00:22:34,445
- Shall I ring your mother?
- No. Bloody hell, what for?

307
00:22:34,607 --> 00:22:37,075
So we can go out.

308
00:22:37,247 --> 00:22:40,603
It's Tuesday night. Nowhere much to go.

309
00:22:40,767 --> 00:22:43,327
The zoo is shut.

310
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,684
- There's a western at the Gaumont.
- I'm in the rehearsal.

311
00:22:48,047 --> 00:22:50,766
Can get drunk if you like,

312
00:22:50,927 --> 00:22:56,240
but not too drunk to bring me home
and have me.

313
00:22:56,407 --> 00:22:57,999
- Pas devant...
- What?

314
00:22:58,167 --> 00:22:59,885
Pas devant I'enfant.

315
00:23:00,967 --> 00:23:05,722
H, A, V, E me.

316
00:23:06,527 --> 00:23:08,563
Seriously, shall I?

317
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,480
Hey, listen.

318
00:23:18,927 --> 00:23:21,441
What's it like with Freddie?

319
00:23:21,607 --> 00:23:24,326
You've told me about the others.
Not all, of course.

320
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,478
- Let go!
- A sampling, a cross-section?

321
00:23:26,647 --> 00:23:30,560
- I shall bite.
- The ones that stand out from the crowd.

322
00:23:30,727 --> 00:23:33,400
- They were before I met you.
- But Freddie is now.

323
00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:37,116
- What's his speciality?
- Even if he wanted to, which he doesn't...

324
00:23:37,287 --> 00:23:41,519
- You must think I'm soft.
...he would run a mile from a scandal.

325
00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:44,406
Yes, well, I mean, what's his gimmick?

326
00:23:44,567 --> 00:23:46,205
Come and ask him.

327
00:23:46,367 --> 00:23:51,157
I mean, his forte.
For instance, does he keep his mac on?

328
00:23:51,327 --> 00:23:52,396
Eh?

329
00:23:52,567 --> 00:23:54,159
(DOOR SLAMS)

330
00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:09,556
(MOANING)

331
00:24:13,167 --> 00:24:14,441
Bri?

332
00:24:19,847 --> 00:24:21,519
Bri?

333
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,837
- Bri!
- Fine.

334
00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,567
OK. Fine. Yes, fine... Right.

335
00:24:30,607 --> 00:24:33,440
(SHE PANTS)

336
00:24:33,607 --> 00:24:37,156
(SHE TAKES QUICK BREATHS)

337
00:24:39,367 --> 00:24:43,679
What are you doing, love?
It's a bit late to practice, isn't it?

338
00:24:43,847 --> 00:24:46,042
What's the time?

339
00:24:47,247 --> 00:24:49,203
It's ten to three. Can't you sleep?

340
00:24:49,367 --> 00:24:53,076
Can't we do that in the morning?
I can't sleep with that going on.

341
00:24:53,247 --> 00:24:57,160
(SHE GROANS)
Ring the midwife, please.

342
00:24:57,327 --> 00:24:59,158
Huh?

343
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:01,441
Huh?

344
00:25:01,607 --> 00:25:05,122
The number is in an envelope
on the shelf of herb jars.

345
00:25:05,287 --> 00:25:07,721
OK... Does it hurt much?

346
00:25:07,887 --> 00:25:09,559
No, not much yet.

347
00:25:11,487 --> 00:25:13,955
Pennies for the phone?

348
00:25:14,127 --> 00:25:16,436
I left them in an envelope.

349
00:25:29,047 --> 00:25:32,278
Sheila, oh, thank heaven I'm not too late.

350
00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:36,235
Brian's father was fussing about
like an old woman and I said to him,

351
00:25:36,407 --> 00:25:40,480
"Percy, make up your mind what you want
for breakfast - bacon or tomatoes?"

352
00:25:40,647 --> 00:25:44,162
I said, "You know how helpless Brian is
with anything practical -

353
00:25:44,327 --> 00:25:46,204
"worse than you with your hands."

354
00:25:46,367 --> 00:25:51,646
Since he gave up the car, I've had to
rely absolutely, completely on the buses.

355
00:25:51,807 --> 00:25:55,800
I didn't get to the arches till nine o' clock.
Do you want a cigarette, Bri?

356
00:25:55,967 --> 00:25:59,642
No thank you, Mum. I gave it up
because the smell upsets Sheila.

357
00:25:59,807 --> 00:26:04,198
I said to the lady in David Greaves',
"I want some nice fresh fruit

358
00:26:04,367 --> 00:26:06,801
"for my daughter-in-law,
who's having a baby."

359
00:26:06,967 --> 00:26:10,039
And she said, "You don't look
old enough to be a grandma!"

360
00:26:10,207 --> 00:26:13,279
Well, I said, "You're as old as you feel."

361
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:16,837
- Are you sure you don't want a cigarette?
- No, no, thanks.

362
00:26:17,007 --> 00:26:21,762
Mrs Parry said, "There's nothing
so satisfying as a nice filter tip."

363
00:26:21,927 --> 00:26:24,521
Mrs Parry, that walking sheath.

364
00:26:24,687 --> 00:26:25,961
Sheath?

365
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:29,961
I never expected to hear Mrs Parry
quoted in connection with child birth.

366
00:26:30,127 --> 00:26:32,482
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Nurse, we have done it!

367
00:26:32,647 --> 00:26:35,036
With this we can make
whole continent barren.

368
00:26:35,207 --> 00:26:39,439
The deterrent they have all been
searching for... Mrs Parry!

369
00:26:39,607 --> 00:26:43,316
You look worn out, love.
Would you like a nice cup of tea?

370
00:26:43,487 --> 00:26:47,799
Shall I make a nice cup of tea, Sheila?
Nice cup of tea?

371
00:26:48,847 --> 00:26:50,075
Sheila?

372
00:26:54,367 --> 00:26:56,881
This youngster doesn't
seem to keen to join us.

373
00:26:57,047 --> 00:26:59,607
- No.
- Yes...

374
00:26:59,767 --> 00:27:04,716
Still when you look at the state
of the country, can you blame him?

375
00:27:17,007 --> 00:27:20,522
- Two days now since the first sign.
- Oh, it's nothing unusual.

376
00:27:20,687 --> 00:27:23,645
- No?
- She's got a narrow pelvic opening.

377
00:27:23,807 --> 00:27:25,763
Hm?

378
00:27:25,927 --> 00:27:28,885
It just means her children
won't exactly fall out.

379
00:27:33,847 --> 00:27:38,204
All this trouble getting out... Spend
the rest of his life trying to get back in.

380
00:27:38,367 --> 00:27:43,487
Yes, you will excuse me, won't you?
I've been on call most of the night.

381
00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:47,966
Use your gas and air
if there is too much pain.

382
00:27:52,487 --> 00:27:56,560
- I've made you a cup of tea.
- Thank you, I really must be going.

383
00:27:56,727 --> 00:27:59,480
Oh, what a shame.

384
00:27:59,647 --> 00:28:02,036
Oh, would anyone else like it? Sheila?

385
00:28:03,887 --> 00:28:05,559
Sheila?

386
00:28:07,407 --> 00:28:09,204
(EXPLOSION)

387
00:28:09,367 --> 00:28:12,996
(SIREN)

388
00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:17,206
(GUNSHOTS)

389
00:28:23,447 --> 00:28:26,484
- Bri!
- It's a bit loud for Sheila, isn't it?

390
00:28:26,647 --> 00:28:29,957
Oh, turn it off.
Nothing but sodding death -

391
00:28:30,127 --> 00:28:33,836
don't we get enough of that in real life?

392
00:28:39,007 --> 00:28:41,726
You all right, lovely?

393
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:45,323
Send her away, Bri. Please.

394
00:28:54,047 --> 00:28:55,446
Just for tonight?

395
00:28:55,607 --> 00:28:57,916
(SHE TUTS)

396
00:28:58,087 --> 00:29:00,840
(SHEILA) Oh, oh...

397
00:29:03,327 --> 00:29:04,806
(SHE GASPS)

398
00:29:05,887 --> 00:29:09,516
(BREATHES HEAVILY)

399
00:29:16,327 --> 00:29:20,878
(BREATHING SLOWS DOWN)

400
00:29:25,007 --> 00:29:29,922
I think it's time we helped you along -
taking you to hospital to induce it.

401
00:29:30,087 --> 00:29:33,875
- You'll be all right.
- Well, it was going on too long.

402
00:29:34,047 --> 00:29:36,641
They mess about
with all this natural child birth.

403
00:29:36,807 --> 00:29:40,482
Unnatural, I call it.
Bri, I'll make you a Welsh rabbit.

404
00:29:40,647 --> 00:29:43,844
- Won't do for you to go and get poorly.
- (BRI) Medium rare.

405
00:29:44,007 --> 00:29:47,522
(BABY CRYING)

406
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:52,359
- (WOMAN) That's your daughter.
- (BRI) Ahh...

407
00:29:57,407 --> 00:30:00,524
- Your wife is in there.
- Oh.

408
00:30:00,687 --> 00:30:03,360
(BABIES CRYING)

409
00:30:07,207 --> 00:30:10,483
Oh, love. You look terrific.

410
00:30:12,287 --> 00:30:13,845
- Have you seen her?
- Who?

411
00:30:14,007 --> 00:30:17,079
- Josephine.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

412
00:30:17,247 --> 00:30:20,603
- Isn't she gorgeous?
- Well, she's fat.

413
00:30:20,767 --> 00:30:24,555
- Eight Ibs six.
- She looks like Oliver Hardy.

414
00:30:24,727 --> 00:30:28,925
- What are those scars on her face?
- Forceps scars, they'll soon go.

415
00:30:29,087 --> 00:30:31,521
And her skin is that nasty yellow colour.

416
00:30:31,687 --> 00:30:33,643
Jaundice, quite normal.

417
00:30:33,807 --> 00:30:38,198
Well, a lot more seems to be normal
than I bargained for.

418
00:30:42,207 --> 00:30:46,803
Five days labour isn't normal. They
should have taken it away days ago.

419
00:30:46,967 --> 00:30:50,277
Yeah, but I wanted it naturally
like all my girlfriends.

420
00:30:50,447 --> 00:30:52,597
Now I feel a bloody flop.

421
00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:54,883
You had a narrow pelvic opening.

422
00:30:55,047 --> 00:30:57,436
I was drugged up to here.

423
00:30:59,527 --> 00:31:01,006
Hey...

424
00:31:02,607 --> 00:31:04,962
Do you remember
that Amazonian woman on TV

425
00:31:05,127 --> 00:31:07,277
giving birth behind the tree?

426
00:31:07,447 --> 00:31:09,756
Some people will do anything
to get on the telly.

427
00:31:09,927 --> 00:31:11,724
I'm serious!

428
00:31:13,007 --> 00:31:16,522
So am I. Natural isn't always good.

429
00:31:17,367 --> 00:31:20,245
You would probably have died
behind that tree.

430
00:31:20,407 --> 00:31:23,524
Well, I would rather
have you unnaturally saved.

431
00:31:26,367 --> 00:31:28,085
You got a cold?

432
00:31:28,247 --> 00:31:30,238
It's not too bad.

433
00:31:31,847 --> 00:31:37,046
Yes. Well, I'll be home soon,
and then I can look after both of you.

434
00:31:47,847 --> 00:31:51,522
- You know, I've never told you this, love.
- What?

435
00:31:51,687 --> 00:31:54,076
Well, you'll find this hard to credit, but...

436
00:31:54,247 --> 00:31:59,082
That week, when she was banging her
head against your narrow pelvic opening,

437
00:31:59,247 --> 00:32:01,283
I prayed.

438
00:32:01,447 --> 00:32:03,802
- Did you, really?
- Yes.

439
00:32:03,967 --> 00:32:05,241
No joke?

440
00:32:05,407 --> 00:32:07,523
As you know,
I'm not normally religious.

441
00:32:07,687 --> 00:32:11,805
Oh, I make the usual genuflections
to Esso Petroleum and Julie Andrews.

442
00:32:11,967 --> 00:32:15,323
But one day in the kitchen, I got down
on my knees and I prayed to God.

443
00:32:17,167 --> 00:32:19,237
What did you say?

444
00:32:19,407 --> 00:32:23,286
"God, I've only just found her. The only
woman who's not soppy or witless.

445
00:32:23,447 --> 00:32:25,358
"The only woman who shares my belief

446
00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:28,917
"that you're a manic-depressive
rugby footballer."

447
00:32:29,087 --> 00:32:33,000
I said, "The baby doesn't matter.
If it's a question of a swap..."

448
00:32:33,167 --> 00:32:35,237
Did you hear that, lovely?

449
00:32:35,407 --> 00:32:37,841
Then I was so drunk,
I couldn't get on my feet.

450
00:32:38,007 --> 00:32:39,440
Bri.

451
00:32:40,327 --> 00:32:42,887
She's making that funny face
I told you about.

452
00:32:43,047 --> 00:32:45,686
(BRI) He heard that prayer, Jo.

453
00:32:45,847 --> 00:32:50,637
He said, "I'll fix that poof".
He thought they were jok es.

454
00:32:52,647 --> 00:32:57,084
(HOWLING WIND)

455
00:33:08,767 --> 00:33:11,235
(BIRDS SQU AWKING)

456
00:33:11,407 --> 00:33:13,921
(SCREAMING)

457
00:33:20,527 --> 00:33:23,644
(BIRDS' SQU AWKING
DROWNS OUT SPEECH)

458
00:33:30,887 --> 00:33:33,321
(BRI) How I wish I had done it.

459
00:33:35,607 --> 00:33:37,757
Don't you, lovely?

460
00:33:39,927 --> 00:33:42,999
- Saved us a lot of trouble.
- (JO MOANS)

461
00:33:43,167 --> 00:33:47,206
But if I had thrown you into the sea,
we'd have never met that funny doctor,

462
00:33:47,367 --> 00:33:51,679
who said it was only wind -
worst attack of wind I've ever seen.

463
00:33:52,047 --> 00:33:54,402
Then you finally went into a coma,

464
00:33:54,567 --> 00:33:58,321
and at last we phoned
the children's hospital in a panic.

465
00:33:58,487 --> 00:34:01,843
There wasn't an ambulance available
and we had to go on the bus.

466
00:34:04,127 --> 00:34:08,359
I've got a feeling,
we shan't bring her back.

467
00:34:12,327 --> 00:34:16,320
(BRI) But every cloud
has a jet black lining.

468
00:34:16,487 --> 00:34:19,957
And as you know,
you did come back, eventually.

469
00:34:22,207 --> 00:34:24,846
You stayed in hospital for a few weeks

470
00:34:25,007 --> 00:34:27,157
And when they called us to collect you

471
00:34:27,327 --> 00:34:30,319
we knew you weren't
going to amount to very much.

472
00:34:30,487 --> 00:34:34,480
But we wanted to know the best
we could expect and the worst.

473
00:34:34,647 --> 00:34:39,198
The paediatrician was German
or Viennese - I can't remember which.

474
00:34:39,367 --> 00:34:43,645
(GERMAN ACCENT) This baby of yours
has now been thoroughly tested

475
00:34:43,807 --> 00:34:48,278
and we need the bed rather badly,
so it's better if you take her home.

476
00:34:48,447 --> 00:34:50,517
I promise she won't be any trouble.

477
00:34:50,687 --> 00:34:53,804
Keep her well sedated
and you'll hardly know she is there.

478
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:56,561
- But, Doctor, may I know the results?
- Results?

479
00:34:56,727 --> 00:34:58,763
- Of the tests.
- Which ones?

480
00:34:58,927 --> 00:35:03,125
Electroencephalogram, three-dimensional
X-ray, blood, urine, stool analysis.

481
00:35:03,287 --> 00:35:05,437
- But what can she do?
- Do?

482
00:35:07,167 --> 00:35:09,044
She can't do nothing at all.

483
00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:11,402
Will she, ever?

484
00:35:13,927 --> 00:35:19,320
Madam, do you know what I mean by,
"Your daughter is a 'wegetable"'?

485
00:35:20,527 --> 00:35:24,805
When people ask what kind of cripple
she is, must I say she's a "wegetable"?

486
00:35:24,967 --> 00:35:26,923
- Vegetable.
- Vegetable.

487
00:35:27,087 --> 00:35:30,682
(ENGLISH ACCENT) You can say
she's a spastic multiplegic, epileptic,

488
00:35:30,847 --> 00:35:32,963
but with no malformation of the brain.

489
00:35:33,127 --> 00:35:36,642
- That's a long word.
- Which is why I prefer "wegetable"?

490
00:35:38,367 --> 00:35:41,439
But if the brain is physically sound,
why doesn't it work?

491
00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:45,077
(GERMAN ACCENT)
Imagine a telephone switch board, ja?

492
00:35:45,247 --> 00:35:47,807
(GERMAN ACCENT)
Ja, I worked as an operator once.

493
00:35:47,967 --> 00:35:50,322
Wunderbar,
imagine you are sitting there now.

494
00:35:50,487 --> 00:35:53,797
Some lines are tied up, some are not.
Suddenly, brrr-brrr...

495
00:35:53,967 --> 00:35:55,446
Incoming call?

496
00:35:55,607 --> 00:35:58,405
- Universal Shafting.
- What?

497
00:35:58,567 --> 00:36:01,604
- The firm I worked for.
- Never used that before.

498
00:36:01,767 --> 00:36:06,124
- I thought I would today.
- Universal shafting - story of your life.

499
00:36:06,287 --> 00:36:10,326
Suddenly another call, you panic
and you plug him into the first one.

500
00:36:10,487 --> 00:36:13,877
Then you answer an extension
asking for the railway station,

501
00:36:14,047 --> 00:36:15,799
but you give him cricket results.

502
00:36:15,967 --> 00:36:19,880
And they all start buzzing and flashing
and you flip your lid and kaput!

503
00:36:20,047 --> 00:36:23,119
And there's your epileptic fit -
grand or your petit mal,

504
00:36:23,287 --> 00:36:26,643
according to the stress -
the number of the calls.

505
00:36:28,087 --> 00:36:30,317
Doctor. Doctor!

506
00:36:30,487 --> 00:36:32,921
- Doctor!
- Gott im Himmel.

507
00:36:33,087 --> 00:36:35,043
- I'm very a busy man.
- You must be.

508
00:36:35,207 --> 00:36:36,845
Yours isn't the only pikin
in the country.

509
00:36:37,007 --> 00:36:38,235
I know that.

510
00:36:38,407 --> 00:36:41,240
- There is one born every eight hours.
- Yes.

511
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:43,716
- Isn't there anything I can do?
- Ja voll.

512
00:36:43,887 --> 00:36:47,277
You must feed her, wash her nappies,
just like any other mother.

513
00:36:47,447 --> 00:36:50,041
- But for how long?
- Who can tell?

514
00:36:50,207 --> 00:36:53,483
In theory, a whooping cough,
pneumonia, Colorado beetle.

515
00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:55,638
Colorado beetle!
(BOTH LAUGH)

516
00:36:55,807 --> 00:36:57,286
That's terrible!

517
00:36:59,847 --> 00:37:03,999
- Is that what you got, lovely?
- (MOANS)

518
00:37:04,167 --> 00:37:06,158
The vicar was the best by far.

519
00:37:06,327 --> 00:37:08,238
We met him on the Ban The Bomb,

520
00:37:08,407 --> 00:37:12,082
and later Sheila
went to see him in his modern church.

521
00:37:18,167 --> 00:37:21,204
(MAN) Take a view! (CACKLES)

522
00:37:21,367 --> 00:37:23,676
(HE CLEARS HIS THROAT)

523
00:37:23,847 --> 00:37:27,806
So your husband
doesn't believe in God?

524
00:37:27,967 --> 00:37:30,959
(SHEILA) His own kind of God -
a manic depressive rugby footballer.

525
00:37:31,127 --> 00:37:36,042
Well, it's a start.
It provides a basis for argument.

526
00:37:36,207 --> 00:37:39,199
- He doesn't like me praying.
- You've have been praying?

527
00:37:39,367 --> 00:37:41,517
What else can I do?

528
00:37:41,687 --> 00:37:44,645
I look at that flawless little body,
those glorious eyes,

529
00:37:44,807 --> 00:37:47,924
and I pray for some miracle
to get her started.

530
00:37:50,247 --> 00:37:54,286
If we could just find the key or the
combination we could get her moving.

531
00:37:56,167 --> 00:38:00,285
Do you think The Sleeping Beauty
was about a spastic?

532
00:38:00,447 --> 00:38:02,483
Who can tell, indeed?

533
00:38:04,727 --> 00:38:09,357
Your child's sickness doesn't please God.
It completely brings Him down.

534
00:38:09,527 --> 00:38:12,087
- Why does He allow it?
- How can we know?

535
00:38:12,247 --> 00:38:16,638
- How do we know it doesn't please Him?
- We can't know, only guess.

536
00:38:18,287 --> 00:38:21,006
It may well be that disease and infirmity

537
00:38:21,167 --> 00:38:25,797
are due to our misuse
of the freedom He gave us.

538
00:38:25,967 --> 00:38:29,880
Or it may be that they exist
to stimulate research.

539
00:38:30,047 --> 00:38:32,766
- Research?
- Into infirmity and disease.

540
00:38:32,927 --> 00:38:35,805
If He didn't permit disease,
we wouldn't need research.

541
00:38:35,967 --> 00:38:39,755
Ah, but he does, so we do.

542
00:38:39,927 --> 00:38:43,158
- How can I explain?
- I don't want explanations.

543
00:38:43,327 --> 00:38:46,285
I've asked the people
who should've been able to explain.

544
00:38:46,447 --> 00:38:48,642
What do you want?

545
00:38:48,807 --> 00:38:50,638
(SHEILA) Magic!

546
00:38:50,807 --> 00:38:53,924
I was coming around to that.

547
00:38:54,087 --> 00:38:58,444
We've had over the years, in this parish
one or two children like your daughter.

548
00:38:58,607 --> 00:39:03,965
For these poor innocents,
I do the laying-on-of-hands bit.

549
00:39:05,287 --> 00:39:09,917
A simple ceremony, few hymns,
a prayer or two, a blessing

550
00:39:10,087 --> 00:39:13,716
and imposition of hands.

551
00:39:14,847 --> 00:39:17,566
- Nothing flashy.
- Who'd be there?

552
00:39:17,727 --> 00:39:21,083
You, your husband, anyone you chose.

553
00:39:21,247 --> 00:39:23,203
My husband?

554
00:39:23,367 --> 00:39:25,927
And he could do with a little instruction.

555
00:39:26,087 --> 00:39:30,478
His prayers wouldn't help if addressed
to a manic-depressive, rugby footballer.

556
00:39:30,647 --> 00:39:34,083
God might feel offended.
He's only human after all.

557
00:39:34,247 --> 00:39:36,124
No, He's not - how silly of me.

558
00:39:36,287 --> 00:39:40,803
Perhaps, you could have
a word with him over a pint.

559
00:39:42,567 --> 00:39:45,081
Ah, with your husband. Yes.

560
00:39:46,087 --> 00:39:49,363
Yes, not that there's
anything wrong with rugby.

561
00:39:49,527 --> 00:39:51,995
(VICAR) Scrum half meself for years.

562
00:39:52,167 --> 00:39:55,318
I just don't feel
one should make a religion out of it.

563
00:39:55,487 --> 00:40:00,277
With the other children, did you have any
luck? I mean, did God... You know.

564
00:40:00,447 --> 00:40:03,484
There was one boy, no better than Jo.

565
00:40:03,647 --> 00:40:07,242
He made such rapid recovery after
I'd done the laying-on a few times,

566
00:40:07,407 --> 00:40:10,285
the miracles confessed
themselves bewildered.

567
00:40:10,447 --> 00:40:12,802
He's 12 now,
and this year he was runner-up

568
00:40:12,967 --> 00:40:15,481
in the Southwest area
Tap Dancing Championships.

569
00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:17,478
How fantastic!

570
00:40:17,647 --> 00:40:20,605
Perhaps in a few years
we'll see little Jo...

571
00:40:20,767 --> 00:40:23,201


572
00:40:23,367 --> 00:40:25,881


573
00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:28,436


574
00:40:28,607 --> 00:40:31,167


575
00:40:31,327 --> 00:40:33,716


576
00:40:33,887 --> 00:40:36,401


577
00:40:36,567 --> 00:40:38,762


578
00:40:38,927 --> 00:40:41,839


579
00:40:43,287 --> 00:40:46,199
That vicar was a good man,
but Bri wouldn't let me do it.

580
00:40:48,167 --> 00:40:51,159
I join in these jokes to please him.

581
00:40:51,327 --> 00:40:55,240
He hasn't any faith she's ever going
to improve, whereas I have, you see.

582
00:40:55,407 --> 00:40:56,886
I'm always hopeful.

583
00:40:57,047 --> 00:41:00,801
Always on the lookout
for some sign of improvement.

584
00:41:11,007 --> 00:41:13,567
One day...

585
00:41:13,727 --> 00:41:16,002
...when she was - what?

586
00:41:17,167 --> 00:41:20,762
...about 12 months old, I suppose.

587
00:41:20,927 --> 00:41:25,921
She was lying on the floor kicking
her legs, while I was doing the flat.

588
00:41:27,767 --> 00:41:30,406
I had made a little tower

589
00:41:30,567 --> 00:41:34,480
of four coloured bricks, plastic bricks,

590
00:41:35,847 --> 00:41:37,838
on the rug near her head.

591
00:41:39,967 --> 00:41:44,245
When next I looked up from my dusting,
she'd knocked them down.

592
00:41:49,447 --> 00:41:52,439
So I piled them up again.

593
00:41:52,607 --> 00:41:55,121
And this time I watched her.

594
00:41:57,247 --> 00:42:01,718
First her eyes,
usually moving in all directions,

595
00:42:01,887 --> 00:42:04,355
glanced in passing at the bright tower.

596
00:42:07,207 --> 00:42:10,085
Then her arm, this side...

597
00:42:12,127 --> 00:42:18,316
...began to show serious signs of
intention and her fists started clenching

598
00:42:18,487 --> 00:42:20,478
and spreading with the effort.

599
00:42:22,727 --> 00:42:28,962
It must have taken, I should think,
10 minutes strenuous labour

600
00:42:29,127 --> 00:42:33,086
before her hand gave a spasmodic jerk

601
00:42:33,247 --> 00:42:35,715
and she pulled down the tower.

602
00:42:42,807 --> 00:42:45,002
The other arm was held rigid.

603
00:42:45,167 --> 00:42:47,362
It didn't move.

604
00:42:47,527 --> 00:42:50,200
You see the importance?

605
00:42:50,367 --> 00:42:55,839
She was using for the first time,
one arm instead of both.

606
00:42:56,007 --> 00:42:58,475
She had seen something, touched it

607
00:42:58,647 --> 00:43:02,799
and found that when she touched it,
whatever it was, changed...

608
00:43:02,967 --> 00:43:05,765
fell down.

609
00:43:05,927 --> 00:43:08,122
She had a will, you see.

610
00:43:08,287 --> 00:43:10,676
A mind of her own.

611
00:43:14,847 --> 00:43:17,042
When Bri came home...

612
00:43:18,207 --> 00:43:20,243
...we tested her.

613
00:43:20,407 --> 00:43:23,956
We put bricks all along
the circle of her reach,

614
00:43:24,127 --> 00:43:29,838
and sometimes out of her reach
so that she had to stretch to touch them.

615
00:43:30,007 --> 00:43:34,717
And sometimes the effort
brought on a fit or she'd fall asleep

616
00:43:34,887 --> 00:43:37,196
or fire light would attract her.

617
00:43:37,367 --> 00:43:39,801
But more often than not, she'd manage.

618
00:43:41,767 --> 00:43:45,885
We became very absorbed
in the daily games.

619
00:43:46,047 --> 00:43:50,598
Brought her coloured balls
and bells and a Kelly -

620
00:43:50,767 --> 00:43:53,156
those clowns that won't lie down.

621
00:43:56,527 --> 00:44:00,156
Visitors hadn't the patience
to watch for so long.

622
00:44:00,327 --> 00:44:04,718
And it must have seemed
so little to wait for.

623
00:44:04,887 --> 00:44:08,357
The independent moving of an arm.

624
00:44:08,527 --> 00:44:10,961
But look what it meant.

625
00:44:11,127 --> 00:44:13,595
She wasn't a vegetable.

626
00:44:21,847 --> 00:44:25,840
Then she caught some bug
and was very sick.

627
00:44:27,247 --> 00:44:29,681
Had fit after fit -

628
00:44:29,847 --> 00:44:31,838
the grand mal, not the others -

629
00:44:33,007 --> 00:44:36,761
what amounted to a complete relapse.

630
00:44:36,927 --> 00:44:40,920
When she was over it,
we tried the bricks again,

631
00:44:42,207 --> 00:44:46,246
but this time
she didn't even seem to see them.

632
00:44:47,807 --> 00:44:50,765
Which was when Bri lost interest.

633
00:44:52,247 --> 00:44:54,602
I still try.

634
00:44:54,767 --> 00:44:56,803
Though, I don't bother telling him.

635
00:44:56,967 --> 00:44:59,401
I'll tell him when something happens.

636
00:44:59,567 --> 00:45:05,722
But it seems to be only common sense.
If she did it once, she'll do it again.

637
00:45:06,727 --> 00:45:10,037
Bri's mother's always saying, "Wouldn't
it be lovely if she was running about?"

638
00:45:10,207 --> 00:45:12,084
(SHE LAUGHS)

639
00:45:12,247 --> 00:45:15,956
Which mak es him hoot with laughter.

640
00:45:16,127 --> 00:45:18,243
But I suppose women can't help hoping.

641
00:45:18,407 --> 00:45:20,967

Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs FFI

642
00:45:21,127 --> 00:45:23,880


643
00:45:24,047 --> 00:45:26,481


644
00:45:26,647 --> 00:45:29,480


645
00:45:29,647 --> 00:45:31,956


646
00:45:32,127 --> 00:45:34,277


647
00:45:41,487 --> 00:45:43,921
(KNOCKING)

648
00:45:46,607 --> 00:45:48,325
Better now?

649
00:45:51,087 --> 00:45:53,647
Ahem... Better now?

650
00:45:54,647 --> 00:45:57,081
Hello, Freddie.

651
00:46:00,487 --> 00:46:02,523
I'm nearly ready.

652
00:46:04,207 --> 00:46:06,118
Go.

653
00:46:06,287 --> 00:46:08,118
Good girl.

654
00:46:11,607 --> 00:46:14,167
(LIGHT OPERA)

655
00:46:14,327 --> 00:46:15,999
(WOMAN) Bye!

656
00:46:25,007 --> 00:46:26,759
Good night.

657
00:46:33,807 --> 00:46:37,083
I can't stand people giving way
to their feelings like that.

658
00:46:37,247 --> 00:46:39,078
It's embarrassing for everyone.

659
00:46:42,727 --> 00:46:44,479
(MUSIC STOPS)

660
00:46:44,647 --> 00:46:46,956
You've been smoking
like a furnace all night.

661
00:46:48,887 --> 00:46:51,799
And all day.
I always smoke when I'm bored.

662
00:46:53,767 --> 00:46:56,406
If you're bored,
you needn't come in and see Bri.

663
00:46:56,567 --> 00:46:59,400
Take the car, go home on your own.

664
00:47:01,047 --> 00:47:03,515
I'm bored there too.

665
00:47:03,687 --> 00:47:06,326
All day.

666
00:47:11,327 --> 00:47:14,797
Why are you going to see him?
He can't stand you.

667
00:47:16,727 --> 00:47:20,766
Well, A) To tell him I'm not having
my end away with Sheila.

668
00:47:20,927 --> 00:47:23,964
B) To try and make him see
sense about that poor girl...

669
00:47:24,127 --> 00:47:26,800
- All right?
- Mm-hm. Thank you.

670
00:47:30,007 --> 00:47:32,885
- Pam, sorry, I broke down like that.
- For God's sake.

671
00:47:33,047 --> 00:47:34,685
Well, I'm a bit ashamed.

672
00:47:34,847 --> 00:47:36,917
You won't tell Bri, will you?

673
00:47:37,087 --> 00:47:39,885
- Well, please.
- All right, if you say so.

674
00:48:25,807 --> 00:48:27,160
Sheila...

675
00:48:27,847 --> 00:48:30,156
Sheila, you stupid bitch.

676
00:48:34,007 --> 00:48:37,079
- Oh, gorgeous room.
- Oh, Pam, no.

677
00:48:37,247 --> 00:48:39,602
Absolutely gorgeous.

678
00:48:39,767 --> 00:48:42,281
I love what you've done with it.

679
00:48:42,447 --> 00:48:44,756
You've breathed on it.

680
00:48:44,927 --> 00:48:47,361
Costs nothing.

681
00:48:47,527 --> 00:48:49,040
Sit down, Pam. Do.

682
00:48:49,207 --> 00:48:51,960
- Terribly PLU, isn't it, darling?
- What?

683
00:48:52,127 --> 00:48:55,483
PLU. People Like Us.

684
00:49:01,007 --> 00:49:03,999
Bri, I'm making coffee.

685
00:49:06,167 --> 00:49:07,566
Huh!

686
00:49:13,247 --> 00:49:14,600
(HE LAUGHS)

687
00:49:22,447 --> 00:49:25,757
(FREDDIE) Clever as he is. Witty.

688
00:49:25,927 --> 00:49:28,157
Done by Brian, you know.

689
00:49:30,887 --> 00:49:33,879
Give me a light, darling.

690
00:49:38,047 --> 00:49:39,685
(You bored again?)

691
00:49:39,847 --> 00:49:43,317
(Not bored - panic stricken,
in case she brings down the weirdie.)

692
00:49:43,487 --> 00:49:47,799
(Pam, just try and imagine
that one of ours had turned out like that.)

693
00:49:47,967 --> 00:49:52,119
(Darling, how could you?
They're absolutely gorgeous.)

694
00:49:52,287 --> 00:49:53,766
Ow!

695
00:49:57,687 --> 00:49:59,484
(KNOCKING)

696
00:50:01,087 --> 00:50:02,884
(IMITATES GUNSHOT)

697
00:50:11,927 --> 00:50:14,885
Dum spiro spero.

698
00:50:15,047 --> 00:50:17,845
- What?
- That's our school motto.

699
00:50:18,007 --> 00:50:20,567
- Don't you remember?
- While I live, I hope?

700
00:50:20,727 --> 00:50:23,241
Yes. That's right.

701
00:50:24,327 --> 00:50:26,522
Hello, Pam.

702
00:50:26,687 --> 00:50:30,521
It's nice having company, instead of
being stuck in every night like Joe Egg.

703
00:50:30,687 --> 00:50:33,326
- (PAM) Like who?
- Joe Egg.

704
00:50:33,487 --> 00:50:36,445
My grandmother used to say
she was sitting like Joe Egg

705
00:50:36,607 --> 00:50:39,485
when she meant she had nothing to do.

706
00:50:39,647 --> 00:50:41,478
- This is very good, darling.
- Mm.

707
00:50:41,647 --> 00:50:46,038
Wild Bill Hickok. He posed for this
just before his last poker game.

708
00:50:46,207 --> 00:50:49,438
Look at the pose, eh?
He fancied himself.

709
00:50:49,607 --> 00:50:52,041
Smashing. Witty.

710
00:50:53,607 --> 00:50:55,040
Good.

711
00:50:56,047 --> 00:50:59,517
I prefer this one: The Thalidomide kid -
fastest gun in the west.

712
00:50:59,687 --> 00:51:02,599
On the slightest impulse
from his rudimentary arm stumps,

713
00:51:02,767 --> 00:51:07,124
the steel hands fly to the holsters
and he spins on solid rubber tyres.

714
00:51:07,287 --> 00:51:09,801
(IMITATES GUNFIRE)

715
00:51:12,607 --> 00:51:14,438
- Hello.
- Hello.

716
00:51:14,607 --> 00:51:17,167
- You've been painting?
- I wore me old clothes.

717
00:51:17,327 --> 00:51:21,115
I want you to paint. That's the
only reason I take these parts.

718
00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:24,518
I thought you'd get some painting done.
Aren't they marvellous?

719
00:51:24,687 --> 00:51:27,326
Smashing. Witty.

720
00:51:27,487 --> 00:51:30,365
I didn't get much done
by the time I'd finished Jo.

721
00:51:30,527 --> 00:51:33,917
- You mean the usual?
- We've got some drink, haven't we?

722
00:51:35,447 --> 00:51:37,438
- Brian.
- What?

723
00:51:37,607 --> 00:51:40,360
- You mean the usual?
- A bit more than usual.

724
00:51:40,527 --> 00:51:43,087
Spanish cognac or Cyprus sherry?
Christ!

725
00:51:43,247 --> 00:51:47,160
What do you mean, "more than usual"?

726
00:51:47,327 --> 00:51:50,285
We had a row, she flounced up
and slammed the door.

727
00:51:50,447 --> 00:51:53,041
Spanish cognac, Fred?

728
00:51:53,207 --> 00:51:56,802
- Is she all right?
- Look, I didn't want to talk about it.

729
00:51:56,967 --> 00:52:02,200
We're all set for a civilized conversation
and you go on about that poor crackpot.

730
00:52:05,127 --> 00:52:07,880
- (BOTTLE POPS OPEN)
- Spanish cognac, Fred?

731
00:52:08,047 --> 00:52:09,366
Thank you.

732
00:52:09,527 --> 00:52:12,325
Sheila's parents brought
this back from Torremolinos.

733
00:52:12,487 --> 00:52:15,479
- Are you sure you wouldn't have cider?
- No, why?

734
00:52:15,647 --> 00:52:21,563
- I just remembered you're a socialist.
- Oh, I don't mind drinking fascist vino.

735
00:52:23,207 --> 00:52:27,166
- Pam?
- No thanks. Honestly.

736
00:52:27,327 --> 00:52:29,318
Spanish Cognac with instant coffee.

737
00:52:29,487 --> 00:52:31,842
High life on teacher's pay.

738
00:52:35,407 --> 00:52:38,205
How is teaching?

739
00:52:38,367 --> 00:52:40,642
Well, keep them off the streets.

740
00:52:40,807 --> 00:52:42,763
Eyes front, hands on heads.

741
00:52:44,847 --> 00:52:50,240
- Still don't like it, eh?
- It's not exactly Goodbye, Mr Chips.

742
00:52:50,407 --> 00:52:53,877
All the same, I envy you.
Often wish I'd been a teacher.

743
00:52:54,047 --> 00:52:56,515
Instead of a rich
and powerful industrialist?

744
00:52:56,687 --> 00:52:59,918
- It must be Ionely.
- Where did you get the idea we're rich?

745
00:53:00,087 --> 00:53:01,440
We're not rich.

746
00:53:01,607 --> 00:53:03,006
Comfortable, hm?

747
00:53:03,167 --> 00:53:05,362
Oh, comfortable, yes.

748
00:53:05,527 --> 00:53:08,325
- Not rich.
- Ah.

749
00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:18,918
Well...

750
00:53:20,247 --> 00:53:25,037
How are things on the home front, Bri?
Stuck in like Joe Egg?

751
00:53:26,687 --> 00:53:28,120
Yeah.

752
00:53:33,327 --> 00:53:36,956
Look, I'd like to lay one
or two things on the line.

753
00:53:37,127 --> 00:53:39,197
- My God.
- Uh...

754
00:53:39,367 --> 00:53:42,245
What don't you see
all the doctors that money can buy

755
00:53:42,407 --> 00:53:46,639
and tell them that you want another baby.
Ask them why you've not had one.

756
00:53:46,807 --> 00:53:48,798
Do you mean fertility counts?

757
00:53:50,287 --> 00:53:53,324
Well... Yes.

758
00:53:54,887 --> 00:53:58,846
- We've had them.
- Yes, she was A-, I was B .

759
00:53:59,007 --> 00:54:00,804
I must concentrate more.

760
00:54:02,327 --> 00:54:06,445
That's pretty damned impressive. Most
people wouldn't fancy knowing for sure.

761
00:54:06,607 --> 00:54:12,045
Our doctor had an ex-major
turn nasty when told he was sub-fertile.

762
00:54:12,207 --> 00:54:14,801
Kept saying,
"But I was in the Normandy Landings!"

763
00:54:14,967 --> 00:54:17,003
I demand a recount!

764
00:54:17,167 --> 00:54:21,638
Poor fellow.
What about boosters? Fertility boosters.

765
00:54:21,807 --> 00:54:23,559
I know a gynaecologist...

766
00:54:23,727 --> 00:54:28,437
He did such a fabulous job on Georgina.
She's now applied to be sterilised.

767
00:54:28,607 --> 00:54:32,156
If all else fails, I can get
the adoption machinery moving.

768
00:54:32,327 --> 00:54:36,559
I can put some ginger under right people,
get it moved to the top of the in-tray.

769
00:54:36,727 --> 00:54:40,117
You can always back out later
if you've found you've hit the spot.

770
00:54:40,287 --> 00:54:44,803
- She won't like it, Mum.
- She likes to rule the roost, Dad.

771
00:54:44,967 --> 00:54:48,846
But, my dear, you're only prepared
to give up your life to little Jo

772
00:54:49,007 --> 00:54:50,759
because there's no one else.

773
00:54:50,927 --> 00:54:56,160
Once you've got a normal healthy baby
looking up at you, smiling at you...

774
00:54:56,327 --> 00:54:58,363
Does she smile?

775
00:54:58,527 --> 00:55:00,677
She used to. Now and then.

776
00:55:00,847 --> 00:55:02,246
Often, often.

777
00:55:02,407 --> 00:55:07,083
A real baby will smile every time
you look at her and she'll cry too.

778
00:55:07,247 --> 00:55:11,843
Keep you awake every night
and she'll crawl and walk and talk.

779
00:55:12,007 --> 00:55:14,840
Yes, I've seen them...
Then what?

780
00:55:15,927 --> 00:55:17,201
Well...

781
00:55:17,727 --> 00:55:20,685
then at least you'll
be in a position to decide.

782
00:55:20,847 --> 00:55:23,077
Decide what?

783
00:55:23,247 --> 00:55:27,923
Whether to let Jo go
into a residential school.

784
00:55:28,087 --> 00:55:31,716
- (BRI) We've tried that too.
- (SHEILA) Putting her away, yes.

785
00:55:31,887 --> 00:55:33,878
(FREDDIE) No, don't call it that.

786
00:55:34,047 --> 00:55:35,639
What else is it?

787
00:55:35,807 --> 00:55:38,560
(FREDDIE) I'm on the board
of a wonderful place.

788
00:55:38,727 --> 00:55:40,638
They're not prisons. Not these days.

789
00:55:40,807 --> 00:55:43,082
They're run by loving
and dev oted teachers.

790
00:55:43,247 --> 00:55:46,956
(SHEILA) I don't care how good
the nurses are, I'm not putting her away.

791
00:55:47,127 --> 00:55:51,484
(FREDDIE) This isn't a hospital.
It's a special school.

792
00:55:51,647 --> 00:55:54,957
(PAM) There was a fabulous article
in Nova about it.

793
00:55:55,127 --> 00:55:57,004
- (PAM) Do you remember?
- (SHEILA) No.

794
00:55:57,167 --> 00:56:00,364
(FREDDIE) If she improves,
she can join their activities.

795
00:56:00,527 --> 00:56:02,961
- (BRI) Activities?
- (FREDDIE) Mouth painting.

796
00:56:03,127 --> 00:56:07,086
Wheel chair gardening, speech therapy.

797
00:56:07,247 --> 00:56:11,126
(BRI) Better not tell her that, Mum.
She thinks she's very nicely spok en.

798
00:56:11,287 --> 00:56:13,926
That's one of the things
she prides herself on.

799
00:56:14,087 --> 00:56:16,999
(SHEILA) She wouldn't go
to a special school.

800
00:56:17,167 --> 00:56:19,237
We've seen the place she'd go.

801
00:56:19,407 --> 00:56:22,479
No paladin asylum
with acres of graceful park land.

802
00:56:22,647 --> 00:56:24,683
Not even Victorian Gothic.

803
00:56:24,847 --> 00:56:29,125
- Army surplus, lik e a transit camp.
- (BRI) Except they're going nowhere.

804
00:56:29,287 --> 00:56:32,006
Some of them waited at the gates
with their suitcases.

805
00:56:32,167 --> 00:56:36,763
They were there every Saturday waiting
for their relatives that never came.

806
00:56:37,687 --> 00:56:43,398
At the end of the day, they'd go back to
their dormitories and unpack their cases.

807
00:56:43,567 --> 00:56:45,717
(FREDDIE) This seems to me defeatism.

808
00:56:45,887 --> 00:56:48,879
- (PAM) It's quarter past ten, darling.
- (FREDDIE) What?

809
00:56:49,047 --> 00:56:50,605
(PAM) Quarter past ten.

810
00:56:50,767 --> 00:56:54,999
(SHEILA) Thanks for trying, Freddie,
but it's too late, honestly.

811
00:56:55,167 --> 00:56:59,160
- I'll have to look after her till she dies.
- Or until you do.

812
00:56:59,327 --> 00:57:02,524
(SHEILA) Yeah. Which ever is first.

813
00:57:02,687 --> 00:57:05,645
- Is that possible?
- (BRI and SHEILA) What?

814
00:57:05,807 --> 00:57:09,117
- That she could outlive you?
- We know one.

815
00:57:09,287 --> 00:57:12,359
A man of 76 - just became a boy scout.

816
00:57:12,527 --> 00:57:17,555
They said they wouldn't have
him any longer in the cubs.

817
00:57:17,727 --> 00:57:21,356
These jokes. Could I say
my piece about these jokes?

818
00:57:21,527 --> 00:57:26,965
They've obviously helped you
see it though. A useful anaesthetic. But...

819
00:57:27,127 --> 00:57:30,358
I thought you were going to speak
to Brian about...

820
00:57:30,527 --> 00:57:35,203
This first. A sick joke kills the pain
but leaves the situation just as it was.

821
00:57:35,367 --> 00:57:39,076
When I see a young couple throwing
away their lives on a hopeless cause

822
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:42,603
it gives me the screaming habdabs.
As a socialist...

823
00:57:42,767 --> 00:57:44,962
"Oh, the waste", I think to myself!

824
00:57:45,127 --> 00:57:47,687
All right, I bloody well am
my brother's keeper.

825
00:57:47,847 --> 00:57:49,519
Shoot me down, if I'm all acock.

826
00:57:49,687 --> 00:57:52,997
I'm just trying to strip it down
to essentials. Thinking aloud.

827
00:57:53,167 --> 00:57:55,761
Uh, could you think more quietly?

828
00:57:55,927 --> 00:58:00,045
Was I shouting? I'm sorry. I tend to
raise my voice when I'm helping people.

829
00:58:00,207 --> 00:58:02,675
- Only my head is splitting.
- Yes, quite.

830
00:58:02,847 --> 00:58:08,399
Look, Bri, I, just want to put you in
the picture about these special schools.

831
00:58:08,567 --> 00:58:11,639
They're run by saints.
There's no other word for them.

832
00:58:11,807 --> 00:58:16,961
They love the people they look after.
They'll spoil your little girl.

833
00:58:17,127 --> 00:58:22,406
- She won't know she's born.
- Thanks, that's much quieter.

834
00:58:22,567 --> 00:58:24,603
Another joke, another giggle.

835
00:58:24,767 --> 00:58:27,725
Freddie, it's nearly half past ten.

836
00:58:27,887 --> 00:58:30,765
I throw you a life line and you giggle.

837
00:58:30,927 --> 00:58:33,646
The whole country
is giggling it's way to disaster.

838
00:58:33,807 --> 00:58:35,718
She broke down tonight...

839
00:58:35,887 --> 00:58:38,276
- Pat! Pat!
...in a flood of tears.

840
00:58:38,447 --> 00:58:39,675
Oh, no!

841
00:58:39,847 --> 00:58:43,999
Because she can't cope any more
with your suspicions and your jealousies.

842
00:58:44,167 --> 00:58:48,319
- I said I'd come and put you straight.
- Wasting your breath, darling.

843
00:58:48,487 --> 00:58:52,002
- A) We're not going to bed together.
- Scab!

844
00:58:52,167 --> 00:58:56,285
B) It's hardly likely because:
A) she loves you, b) I love Pam,

845
00:58:56,447 --> 00:59:00,440
- and c) We've got three smashing kids.
- Darling, I love you too.

846
00:59:00,607 --> 00:59:05,635
I won't throw that away for a bit
on the side - however gorgeous a bit.

847
00:59:05,807 --> 00:59:09,641
And although, I'm not a practicing
Christian, I think I know my duty.

848
00:59:10,887 --> 00:59:12,445
Well...

849
00:59:14,847 --> 00:59:17,645
I hardly know how to say this now.

850
00:59:21,247 --> 00:59:25,525
The whole thing was
just another sick fantasy.

851
00:59:25,687 --> 00:59:30,886
I know you've never touched her -
leave alone shafted her.

852
00:59:31,047 --> 00:59:34,323
I just wanted to bring
back the magic to our marriage.

853
00:59:34,487 --> 00:59:37,559
Stir it up.
A kind of emotional aphrodisiac.

854
00:59:39,727 --> 00:59:43,606
If you ever tried that with me,
I'd leave you.

855
00:59:45,847 --> 00:59:48,407
Well...

856
00:59:48,567 --> 00:59:52,196
I maybe square, but I'm not sick.

857
00:59:54,967 --> 01:00:00,803
- You're so roundabout.
- Look, you wouldn't let me near you.

858
01:00:00,967 --> 01:00:04,243
All day I've been running blue movies
on the back of my retina,

859
01:00:04,407 --> 01:00:07,160
us romping about together
shouting with satisfaction.

860
01:00:07,327 --> 01:00:09,795
What do I get, eh?
"Oh, you're hands are cold."

861
01:00:09,967 --> 01:00:11,605
This is too juvenile. Let's go.

862
01:00:11,767 --> 01:00:13,723
No. No, no.

863
01:00:13,887 --> 01:00:17,846
That's what he wants. I'm going
to help him whether he likes it or not.

864
01:00:18,007 --> 01:00:20,885
- Listen.
- (CHIDLEN SINGING)

865
01:00:21,047 --> 01:00:22,400
(BOTH) Aww...

866
01:00:22,567 --> 01:00:25,445
Aw...

867
01:00:25,607 --> 01:00:29,566

Where a mother laid her baby...

868
01:00:29,727 --> 01:00:32,799
(HE SINGS ALONG)
Christmas carols at this time of night?

869
01:00:32,967 --> 01:00:35,197
The neighbours
won't be able to hear the telly.

870
01:00:35,367 --> 01:00:37,597
She loves the carols, Dad.

871
01:00:37,767 --> 01:00:39,997
- Shall I fetch her?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

872
01:00:40,167 --> 01:00:43,443
- We're just going.
- But you haven't seen her.

873
01:00:43,607 --> 01:00:46,280
- Wouldn't you like to?
- Yes, I'd love to see her.

874
01:00:46,447 --> 01:00:52,238
Your train in the morning, now, Freddie.
No, no. No train tomorrow, darling.

875
01:00:52,807 --> 01:00:56,117
I thought it was tomorrow.

876
01:00:56,287 --> 01:00:57,720
No.

877
01:00:57,887 --> 01:01:00,082
Hah! Come on, let's see little Jo.

878
01:01:00,247 --> 01:01:02,078
- Come along, Pam.
- No, don't.

879
01:01:02,247 --> 01:01:06,604
- I forgot to tell you what happened?
- When?

880
01:01:06,767 --> 01:01:08,564
- While you were out.
- Well, what?

881
01:01:12,487 --> 01:01:16,082
Uh... First, I fed Joe.

882
01:01:16,247 --> 01:01:19,000
She was constipated,
she hadn't been for a week.

883
01:01:19,167 --> 01:01:22,239
So, I chose a nice tin of prunes.

884
01:01:22,407 --> 01:01:26,195
What my grandmother used to call them
black-coated workers.

885
01:01:26,367 --> 01:01:31,805
They have to be strained, of course,
because her teeth are a bit stumpy.

886
01:01:31,967 --> 01:01:36,722
Anyway, when she got that lot down, she
kept on having little fits and whimpering.

887
01:01:36,887 --> 01:01:42,086
I thought, perhaps the spasm's hurting.
So, I tried to loosen it with exercise.

888
01:01:42,247 --> 01:01:43,999
The constipation hurts her.

889
01:01:44,167 --> 01:01:48,718
The spasm's in the back
between the shoulder blades.

890
01:01:48,887 --> 01:01:53,881
And you break it down
by wrapping her arms across her chest

891
01:01:54,047 --> 01:01:57,881
and holding them... very tight.

892
01:02:00,407 --> 01:02:05,003
And then ramming her head
down between her collar bones

893
01:02:05,167 --> 01:02:07,601
as though you were
rolling up a mattress.

894
01:02:08,887 --> 01:02:10,684
Does it help?

895
01:02:13,447 --> 01:02:15,961
- I don't know.
- Of course.

896
01:02:16,127 --> 01:02:18,687
But I enjoy it.

897
01:02:21,167 --> 01:02:23,681
I find myself laughing when she cries.

898
01:02:29,047 --> 01:02:32,084
Well, at least it's a reaction.

899
01:02:32,247 --> 01:02:35,319
Only this time, she wouldn't stop
even when I let go.

900
01:02:35,487 --> 01:02:37,125
Those fits upset her.

901
01:02:37,287 --> 01:02:40,882
I undressed her, applied a suppository
put a rubber sheet underneath,

902
01:02:41,047 --> 01:02:45,677
I pressed her stomach, lifted her ankles
and at last, she managed number twos.

903
01:02:45,847 --> 01:02:48,156
God! That was bothering her, poor mite.

904
01:02:48,327 --> 01:02:50,318
No, no, wait a minute!

905
01:02:51,687 --> 01:02:57,637
It was no sooner out, she started all that
gulping, lip-smacking, arm-stretching

906
01:02:57,807 --> 01:03:01,163
and opening and closing
her poor blind eyes and...

907
01:03:03,847 --> 01:03:07,681
I thought to myself that's it. The lot.

908
01:03:07,847 --> 01:03:10,202
All you can do.

909
01:03:10,367 --> 01:03:13,882
Pain and fits...

910
01:03:14,047 --> 01:03:18,086
And not for the first time in ten years, I...

911
01:03:18,247 --> 01:03:20,761
I thought, "Is it ever worth it"?

912
01:03:23,087 --> 01:03:25,203
- Perhaps it isn't?
- Worth what?

913
01:03:25,367 --> 01:03:27,881
- The effort.
- We've got no choice.

914
01:03:28,047 --> 01:03:31,244
Of course you have.
The special schools.

915
01:03:31,407 --> 01:03:36,845
Anyway, when the fit was over,
I laid her on the bed...

916
01:03:38,807 --> 01:03:42,720
...and I placed a pillow
over her mouth and nose.

917
01:03:47,447 --> 01:03:50,644
And I held it there while I counted 100.

918
01:03:56,567 --> 01:04:00,003
There was no struggle or... anything.

919
01:04:05,807 --> 01:04:10,835
It was so peaceful that I just wondered
why I hadn't done it years ago.

920
01:04:12,447 --> 01:04:13,800
What?

921
01:04:17,007 --> 01:04:18,918
God...

922
01:04:22,167 --> 01:04:24,158
When it was over...

923
01:04:25,847 --> 01:04:27,803
...I lifted the pillow...

924
01:04:30,167 --> 01:04:31,998
...and I said...

925
01:04:37,367 --> 01:04:41,724
(GERMAN ACCENT)
Nurse... We are in this together!

926
01:04:41,887 --> 01:04:45,721
You've seen nothing. I looked up
to see the nurse, threw off her cape,

927
01:04:45,887 --> 01:04:48,037
revealing Sergeant Blake
of Scotland Yard.

928
01:04:48,207 --> 01:04:51,279
I must warn you that anything
you say will be taken down...

929
01:04:51,447 --> 01:04:53,836
- What?
- Bri, honestly!

930
01:04:54,127 --> 01:04:57,324
- (BRI LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
- I should've know by now.

931
01:04:57,487 --> 01:05:01,958
Did you feel relieved when you thought
for one moment that I had done it?

932
01:05:02,127 --> 01:05:03,526
- Don't be silly?
- No?

933
01:05:03,687 --> 01:05:06,281
No.

934
01:05:06,447 --> 01:05:07,846
Why not?

935
01:05:09,127 --> 01:05:10,765
Because...

936
01:05:13,047 --> 01:05:17,404
Whatever else she is,
whatever's wrong with her...

937
01:05:19,047 --> 01:05:21,277
...she's the miracle of life.

938
01:05:22,727 --> 01:05:27,847
She's only just alive, but what use is
such a phrase? What's "only just dead"?

939
01:05:31,247 --> 01:05:32,600
I mean...

940
01:05:35,207 --> 01:05:37,721
She's the life we made.

941
01:05:56,207 --> 01:05:58,038
(TRAIN HORN)

942
01:06:04,207 --> 01:06:06,198
You're blessed my son.

943
01:06:06,367 --> 01:06:08,039
She's a holy innocent.

944
01:06:08,207 --> 01:06:10,596
She'll never know evil.

945
01:06:12,607 --> 01:06:14,643
(BRI) Her life, what is it?

946
01:06:14,807 --> 01:06:18,277
Asphyxiation delayed ten years by drugs.

947
01:06:26,167 --> 01:06:28,965
She should be in hospital, you know?

948
01:06:29,127 --> 01:06:33,803
Oh, everybody says do something, but
when I suggest something, it's all wrong.

949
01:06:33,967 --> 01:06:37,277
Well, if all you can suggest
is murder, yes.

950
01:06:38,767 --> 01:06:41,361
Living with Sheila
you get to welcome death

951
01:06:41,527 --> 01:06:43,722
with life burgeoning in every cranny.

952
01:06:43,887 --> 01:06:45,115
Brian...

953
01:06:45,287 --> 01:06:48,438
She embraces, all living things -
except Freddie (!)

954
01:06:57,447 --> 01:06:59,039
Brian...

955
01:07:01,127 --> 01:07:05,279
Do you know how the solution
to the Jewish problem began?

956
01:07:05,447 --> 01:07:06,926
No.

957
01:07:07,087 --> 01:07:09,282
In the mental hospitals.

958
01:07:09,447 --> 01:07:12,757
It's only a step from there
to Auschwitz, you know.

959
01:07:12,927 --> 01:07:17,284
(PAM) Darling, it is now exactly
half past ten!

960
01:07:18,287 --> 01:07:22,758
You're like a blasted speaking clock -
on the third stroke, peep, peep, peep!

961
01:07:30,927 --> 01:07:34,886
It wasn't my idea coming
back here in the first place.

962
01:07:36,247 --> 01:07:40,604
You know very well,
I can't stand anything NPA.

963
01:07:40,767 --> 01:07:43,520
What?

964
01:07:43,687 --> 01:07:46,326
Non-physically attractive.

965
01:07:46,487 --> 01:07:50,605
I know it's awful,
but it's one of my things.

966
01:07:50,767 --> 01:07:53,520
Well, none of us is perfect.

967
01:07:56,327 --> 01:08:02,243
But old women in bathing costumes,
skin diseases and weirdies.

968
01:08:02,407 --> 01:08:05,479
- It's no good. I can't look at them.
- Darling.

969
01:08:05,647 --> 01:08:10,038
I know you're right about Hitler, Freddie,
and of course that's horrid,

970
01:08:10,207 --> 01:08:13,677
but I can't help feeling a bit on Bri's side,
can you?

971
01:08:13,847 --> 01:08:16,759
I don't mean the way he means.

972
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:20,317
Everyone doing away
with their unwanted mums and things.

973
01:08:20,487 --> 01:08:23,718
No, I think it should be done
by the state. You see...

974
01:08:23,887 --> 01:08:28,039
- Hitler was the state.
- Oh, I know you won't hear of it.

975
01:08:29,127 --> 01:08:31,197
But then he loves a lame dog.

976
01:08:31,367 --> 01:08:35,485
Every year, he buys so many tickets
for the spastic raffle he wins the TV set.

977
01:08:35,647 --> 01:08:38,525
And every year,
he gives it to the old folk's home.

978
01:08:40,127 --> 01:08:42,322
He used to try taking me on his visits

979
01:08:42,487 --> 01:08:46,958
to the blind and the deaf
and the dumb, the halt and the lame.

980
01:08:47,127 --> 01:08:49,721
Spina bifida and multiple scl...

981
01:08:49,887 --> 01:08:51,878
(FREDDIE) Not for long.

982
01:08:53,367 --> 01:08:58,725
One place we went, there were these
poor freaks with... you know...

983
01:08:59,767 --> 01:09:01,723
...enormous heads and...

984
01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:06,915
- So, just put them out of their misery.
- This isn't the time or place for this.

985
01:09:07,087 --> 01:09:09,965
They wouldn't have survived in nature.

986
01:09:11,367 --> 01:09:13,927
It's only modern medicine.

987
01:09:14,087 --> 01:09:18,126
Modern medicine should be
allowed to do away with them.

988
01:09:18,287 --> 01:09:23,998
A committee of doctors and do-gooders
to make sure there's no funny business.

989
01:09:24,167 --> 01:09:26,442
And then, well...

990
01:09:29,087 --> 01:09:30,884
The gas chambers?

991
01:09:32,687 --> 01:09:34,837
That makes it sound horrid.

992
01:09:37,327 --> 01:09:41,240
But if one of our kids was dying
and they had a cure,

993
01:09:41,407 --> 01:09:44,956
we knew had been discovered
in the Nazi laboratories...

994
01:09:46,607 --> 01:09:48,962
...would you refuse to let them use it?

995
01:09:50,447 --> 01:09:53,325
That's hardly an excuse
for killing six million people.

996
01:09:53,487 --> 01:09:57,639
I love my own immediate
family and that's the lot.

997
01:09:59,847 --> 01:10:02,486
I can't manage anymore.

998
01:10:08,847 --> 01:10:11,202
Then it's time you tried.

999
01:10:19,967 --> 01:10:23,403
(DISTANT CHRISTMAS CAROLS)

1000
01:10:23,567 --> 01:10:27,276


1001
01:10:27,447 --> 01:10:30,519


1002
01:10:30,687 --> 01:10:34,760
We've come to see little Josephine.
Save you bringing her down.

1003
01:10:34,927 --> 01:10:37,157
Say hello to uncle Freddie.

1004
01:10:39,727 --> 01:10:42,400
Hello, Jo. What d'you know?

1005
01:10:44,127 --> 01:10:46,561
Not much, I'm afraid.

1006
01:10:46,727 --> 01:10:48,604
And Auntie Pamela.

1007
01:10:50,007 --> 01:10:53,716
She's got rather a pretty face,
hasn't she?

1008
01:10:53,887 --> 01:10:56,447
She's terribly PLU
when you get to know her.

1009
01:10:56,607 --> 01:11:00,361
(SINGS) Aren't you, angel?

1010
01:11:00,527 --> 01:11:02,245
Oh, my God!

1011
01:11:02,407 --> 01:11:05,046
(HUMS)

1012
01:11:05,207 --> 01:11:10,281
Well, one thinks of a mongrel, athetoid
or monoplegic, but she is so torpid.

1013
01:11:10,447 --> 01:11:14,759
"You'd be torpid", she said, " if you
were fitting, crying and doing doops.

1014
01:11:14,927 --> 01:11:17,395
She's worse tonight.
She won't open her eyes.

1015
01:11:17,567 --> 01:11:21,162
"Who wants to open their eyes
in the middle of the night", she says.

1016
01:11:21,327 --> 01:11:25,240
"Well, an hour before
midnight worth two after", she says.

1017
01:11:25,407 --> 01:11:28,126
This is the imaginary
character you've given her?

1018
01:11:28,287 --> 01:11:32,360
Well, as soon as we joined
the Free Masonry of Spastic's Parents,

1019
01:11:32,527 --> 01:11:35,325
we saw she had even less personality
than the others.

1020
01:11:35,487 --> 01:11:38,285
- So you've made some up for her.
- Some never suited.

1021
01:11:38,447 --> 01:11:42,565
- The facial expression wasn't right.
- One that stuck was the coach tour lady.

1022
01:11:42,727 --> 01:11:46,640
Powder-pink felt hat, white gloves,
Cuban heel shoes and swagger coat.

1023
01:11:46,807 --> 01:11:49,844
Sea-sick pills in her bag
in case there's turning and twisting.

1024
01:11:50,007 --> 01:11:52,362
- She hates foreigners.
- And council houses.

1025
01:11:52,527 --> 01:11:55,439
And shafting - knows to
her cost what that can do.

1026
01:11:55,607 --> 01:11:57,723
- Loves the Queen.
- And Jesus.

1027
01:11:57,887 --> 01:12:01,800
Sees him as an eccentric English
gentleman. A sort of Laurence of Arabia.

1028
01:12:01,967 --> 01:12:04,925
- Very disapproving of pleasure.
- Oh, not all pleasure.

1029
01:12:05,087 --> 01:12:10,445
- A Julie Andrews film with tea after.
- In the Odeon Cafe.

1030
01:12:11,247 --> 01:12:13,317
- Come on.
- What are you doing?

1031
01:12:13,487 --> 01:12:16,957
- I'm taking her to hear the carols.
- The carols have stopped.

1032
01:12:17,127 --> 01:12:21,439
Oh, no! Did you miss the carols,
sweetheart?

1033
01:12:21,607 --> 01:12:25,236
"Christmas already", she says
"Comes around quicker every year".

1034
01:12:25,407 --> 01:12:30,117


1035
01:12:30,287 --> 01:12:34,360

laid down his sweet head

1036
01:12:34,527 --> 01:12:36,438


1037
01:12:36,607 --> 01:12:38,996

Looked down where he lay

1038
01:12:39,167 --> 01:12:42,398


1039
01:12:42,567 --> 01:12:46,401


1040
01:12:46,567 --> 01:12:48,000


1041
01:12:48,167 --> 01:12:50,203
- Oh!
- (PAM) What is it?

1042
01:12:50,367 --> 01:12:51,561
A fit.

1043
01:12:51,727 --> 01:12:54,605
- (FREDDIE) Anything we can do?
- (SHEILA) No.

1044
01:12:54,767 --> 01:12:58,157
Next time you do that,
the wind will change and you stay like it.

1045
01:12:58,327 --> 01:13:01,125
- But why are they still happening?
- (DOORBELL)

1046
01:13:01,287 --> 01:13:04,165
Oh, it's the carol singers.

1047
01:13:04,327 --> 01:13:06,636
I'll say we're Muslims.

1048
01:13:08,367 --> 01:13:09,925
Oh, Bri...

1049
01:13:13,727 --> 01:13:15,797
Give them a shilling from Jo.

1050
01:13:15,967 --> 01:13:17,605
Oh...

1051
01:13:23,927 --> 01:13:27,044
Darling, we really must go now.

1052
01:13:34,767 --> 01:13:38,123
Bri, I gave
those carol singers a sixpence.

1053
01:13:38,287 --> 01:13:41,518
Knocking on all those doors,
making a nuisance of themselves.

1054
01:13:41,687 --> 01:13:44,918
I thought you wouldn't bother
with that so near Christmas.

1055
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:49,717
Right, thanks.

1056
01:13:49,887 --> 01:13:53,482
Oh, sixpence. Here.

1057
01:13:53,647 --> 01:13:54,841
What?

1058
01:13:55,007 --> 01:13:56,486
Oh!

1059
01:13:56,647 --> 01:13:58,319
Oh, all right. Thank you.

1060
01:13:58,487 --> 01:14:00,000
- I won't say no.
- No.

1061
01:14:00,167 --> 01:14:04,365
- Every penny's got to be looked at.
- Right.

1062
01:14:04,527 --> 01:14:06,518
They do say, don't they?

1063
01:14:06,687 --> 01:14:10,282
The middle classes have suffered most
from inflation... Oh.

1064
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:13,483
(SHE SIGHS)

1065
01:14:16,967 --> 01:14:20,880
Now, look, Bri, I'm not stopping.
Mrs Parry and I went to the Odeon.

1066
01:14:21,047 --> 01:14:25,677
I thought, "Well, I'll go so far on a bus
and I'll drop in Josephine's new cardie.

1067
01:14:25,847 --> 01:14:28,520
"And if Brian's not too busy,
he can run me home."

1068
01:14:28,687 --> 01:14:30,803
Yes. Right.

1069
01:14:30,967 --> 01:14:33,481
So, I'm not stopping.

1070
01:14:33,647 --> 01:14:35,478
Would you like a drink, Mum?

1071
01:14:35,647 --> 01:14:41,597
I don't want you to worry. I don't want
anything. I want is to get me breath back.

1072
01:14:43,087 --> 01:14:47,638
- Sheila, I'm not stopping, but...
- Oh, hello. How nice to see you.

1073
01:14:47,807 --> 01:14:50,924
- You never told me you got company.
- Oh, sorry.

1074
01:14:51,087 --> 01:14:54,045
- My mother, Mr and Mrs Underwood.
- How do you do?

1075
01:14:54,207 --> 01:14:56,277
- How do you do?
- How do you do?

1076
01:14:56,447 --> 01:15:00,076
- Why did you bring her down?
- She wants a change of scene, Dad.

1077
01:15:00,247 --> 01:15:02,044
I thought I'd keep an eye on her.

1078
01:15:02,207 --> 01:15:06,485
Mrs Parry and I, go to the pictures
Tuesday afternoon.

1079
01:15:06,647 --> 01:15:10,799
When you've been with the dusters
nothing but sitting all day -

1080
01:15:10,967 --> 01:15:13,959
no one wants to sit around
like a blooming nun.

1081
01:15:14,127 --> 01:15:17,119
- I'm sorry, have you a light?
- I do, yeah.

1082
01:15:17,287 --> 01:15:19,642
She's very poorly.

1083
01:15:19,807 --> 01:15:22,879
- Did you give her her medicine?
- She's all right.

1084
01:15:25,927 --> 01:15:29,636
Well, and how's nana's
favourite girl tonight, then?

1085
01:15:29,807 --> 01:15:32,367
- Look what nana's brought her.
- Oh.

1086
01:15:32,527 --> 01:15:35,963
- "Oh, I'm fast asleep", she says.
- Unconscious.

1087
01:15:36,127 --> 01:15:38,516
"Having forty winks", she says.

1088
01:15:38,687 --> 01:15:41,281
An hour before midnight
is worth two after.

1089
01:15:41,447 --> 01:15:44,405
Oh, wouldn't she be lovely
if she was running about?

1090
01:15:44,567 --> 01:15:47,525
Beautiful. She's a beautiful child.

1091
01:15:47,687 --> 01:15:50,155
Oh, first time you've seen her?

1092
01:15:50,327 --> 01:15:53,125
Sheila, what do you think?
Are the sleeves too short?

1093
01:15:53,287 --> 01:15:55,926
- I could run couple of inches.
- Would you bother?

1094
01:15:56,087 --> 01:15:59,762
- No bother. We have to do what we can.
- Yes, exactly.

1095
01:15:59,927 --> 01:16:03,317
Poor Mrs Parry phoned to say
she couldn't meet me this afternoon.

1096
01:16:03,487 --> 01:16:07,241
Had to stay in waiting for the vacuum.
I did some last-minute shopping.

1097
01:16:07,407 --> 01:16:10,319
I met her later at the Odeon
to go see Julie Andrews.

1098
01:16:10,487 --> 01:16:12,205
But my God, the crowds!

1099
01:16:12,367 --> 01:16:14,881
I said to the lady
in Scotch Wool and Hosiery,

1100
01:16:15,047 --> 01:16:18,562
- "You'll be glad when Christmas is over."
- What did she say?!

1101
01:16:18,727 --> 01:16:20,797
- "I certainly will."
- (BOTH) Ooh!

1102
01:16:20,967 --> 01:16:27,042
I said to Mrs Parry, " It does look nice,
those toys and turkeys and toilet sets."

1103
01:16:27,207 --> 01:16:29,004
- See Jesus?
- Pardon?

1104
01:16:29,167 --> 01:16:31,203
Did you see Jesus?

1105
01:16:31,367 --> 01:16:34,803
- If I did, I didn't notice.
- On the electricity building.

1106
01:16:34,967 --> 01:16:36,320
Oh, that!

1107
01:16:36,487 --> 01:16:39,479
Oh, they'll drag religion
into anything, won't they?

1108
01:16:39,647 --> 01:16:42,844
- Even Christmas.
- No, that kind of thing spoils Christmas.

1109
01:16:43,007 --> 01:16:45,840
- What Jesus?
- It's a time for the kiddies.

1110
01:16:46,007 --> 01:16:49,238
(BRI) We took Joe
to Father Christmas one year.

1111
01:16:49,407 --> 01:16:52,956
- Little girl like a trip to space?
- Just Father Christmas.

1112
01:16:53,127 --> 01:16:56,358
- It's all in the one price.
- Bri, you got any money?

1113
01:16:56,527 --> 01:16:58,358
(TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT)

1114
01:16:58,527 --> 01:17:02,566
"All shoppers are reminded to visit
Santa's spaceship in the toy department.

1115
01:17:02,727 --> 01:17:05,002
"The next launching is in five minutes".

1116
01:17:05,167 --> 01:17:06,646
(WOMAN) Sit straight now.

1117
01:17:06,807 --> 01:17:09,480
(BRI) We'll sit near the back, eh?

1118
01:17:12,407 --> 01:17:15,604
- You want to take her?
- (WOMAN) Oh, somebody else is here.

1119
01:17:15,767 --> 01:17:17,519
(BRI) Morning.

1120
01:17:21,207 --> 01:17:24,358
- All all right, then?
- Oh, yes, thanks.

1121
01:17:24,527 --> 01:17:27,200
- (BRI) Oh, you've changed.
- Quite comfortable?

1122
01:17:32,407 --> 01:17:35,126
(BLOWS INTO THE MICROPHONE)

1123
01:17:36,167 --> 01:17:38,601
Stand by for blast-off.
(BEEPING)

1124
01:17:38,767 --> 01:17:41,839
(ENGINE ROARS)

1125
01:17:47,607 --> 01:17:49,802


1126
01:17:49,967 --> 01:17:54,518
- Boosters away.
-

1127
01:17:54,687 --> 01:17:57,121


1128
01:17:57,287 --> 01:18:00,802
-
- Boosters away!

1129
01:18:00,967 --> 01:18:04,562


1130
01:18:04,727 --> 01:18:06,206
Ahh...

1131
01:18:07,367 --> 01:18:10,803
(WOMAN) We are now free
of earth's atmosphere.

1132
01:18:10,967 --> 01:18:13,720
Beware of weightlessness.

1133
01:18:13,887 --> 01:18:15,764


1134
01:18:16,687 --> 01:18:20,316


1135
01:18:20,487 --> 01:18:23,604


1136
01:18:23,767 --> 01:18:26,759


1137
01:18:26,927 --> 01:18:29,157


1138
01:18:29,327 --> 01:18:31,363
(BRI) Father Christmas stank of meths

1139
01:18:31,527 --> 01:18:33,438
- Why do you say that?
- It's true.

1140
01:18:33,607 --> 01:18:37,043
It's not true. They're vetted.

1141
01:18:37,207 --> 01:18:43,362
Woo! Do you know...
I believe I've acquired a little visitor.

1142
01:18:43,527 --> 01:18:46,280
It's not something you'd expect
from the Odeon.

1143
01:18:46,447 --> 01:18:50,679
- It's off our cat. We're infested with them.
- From Sidney or Beatrice Webb.

1144
01:18:50,847 --> 01:18:52,997
We keep them in the kitchen.

1145
01:18:53,167 --> 01:18:57,638
When the kitten was born, Sheila wanted
to call him Dick. But I drew the line there.

1146
01:18:57,807 --> 01:19:00,367
Standing on the front steps
shouting, "Dick!"

1147
01:19:00,527 --> 01:19:02,597
I might have got killed in the rush.

1148
01:19:07,487 --> 01:19:10,718
Fleas, I don't believe we ever had.
Can you remember, Brian?

1149
01:19:10,887 --> 01:19:12,718
The occasional woodlouse, I think.

1150
01:19:12,887 --> 01:19:16,675
You're fond of animals, Sheila,
but it should be kept in proportion.

1151
01:19:16,847 --> 01:19:21,079
- It's the first time we've had a flea.
- There's a first time for everything.

1152
01:19:21,247 --> 01:19:25,718
(SINGS) Isn't that the loveliest girl
in all the wide, wide world?

1153
01:19:25,887 --> 01:19:28,879
- Oh, look another fit.
- Oh, bless her heart.

1154
01:19:29,047 --> 01:19:32,244
- She's worse. Look!
- They left her medicine at the centre.

1155
01:19:32,407 --> 01:19:35,001
What you gave her tonight
should have soothed her.

1156
01:19:35,167 --> 01:19:38,796
I'd have her destroyed... if it was me.

1157
01:19:38,967 --> 01:19:39,956
You what, mum?

1158
01:19:40,127 --> 01:19:42,846
I'd have her whatever you call it,
put to sleep.

1159
01:19:43,007 --> 01:19:45,396
- Ahh!
- The cat!

1160
01:19:45,567 --> 01:19:47,876
- Well, fleas bring disease.
- (SHEILA) Bri!

1161
01:19:48,047 --> 01:19:50,515
- Yeah?
- Just a minute?

1162
01:19:53,127 --> 01:19:55,402
I can't find the anticonvulsant.

1163
01:19:55,567 --> 01:19:57,523
That's the bottle over there.

1164
01:19:57,687 --> 01:20:01,521
She knocked it over having a fit.

1165
01:20:01,687 --> 01:20:05,236
It's like treacle.
How did it get poured out?

1166
01:20:05,407 --> 01:20:07,967
I had to save her first.
She was falling about.

1167
01:20:08,127 --> 01:20:11,119
By the time I picked up
the bottle, it had all got spilt.

1168
01:20:12,127 --> 01:20:15,403
I saved enough to give her a dose
and then I washed it clean.

1169
01:20:17,927 --> 01:20:19,997
Where are the phenos?

1170
01:20:21,327 --> 01:20:22,601
Uh, now...

1171
01:20:24,247 --> 01:20:26,397
Now where can they be?

1172
01:20:29,647 --> 01:20:31,763
- Where are you going?
- To get some more.

1173
01:20:31,927 --> 01:20:35,078
She's had enough sedation,
"I'm turned on", she says.

1174
01:20:35,247 --> 01:20:38,364
The fits upset her.
She needs her yellow medicine.

1175
01:20:38,527 --> 01:20:41,439
Whatever is the time?
I mean, Pam?

1176
01:20:41,607 --> 01:20:44,405
- Quarter to eleven.
- I'll go to the all-night Boots.

1177
01:20:44,567 --> 01:20:47,718
Look, I'll go if you think
she really needs it.

1178
01:20:47,887 --> 01:20:49,878
You'll need the prescription.

1179
01:20:51,607 --> 01:20:53,518
- Yeah.
- Go on.

1180
01:21:31,327 --> 01:21:34,046
(ENGINE FAILS TO START)

1181
01:21:45,167 --> 01:21:46,885
- She's cold.
- No luck?

1182
01:21:47,047 --> 01:21:49,322
- Not so far.
- Let me go, Bri.

1183
01:21:49,487 --> 01:21:51,478
- Oh, no.
- Really, it's no trouble.

1184
01:21:51,647 --> 01:21:54,036
No, no, no.

1185
01:21:54,207 --> 01:21:56,323
- I'll show you a shortcut.
- No.

1186
01:21:56,487 --> 01:21:58,125
I know one.

1187
01:21:59,247 --> 01:22:01,920
(PAM) Anything to get away.

1188
01:22:04,727 --> 01:22:07,116
- Oh, Pam, just a minute.
- Yes.

1189
01:22:08,287 --> 01:22:10,562
The prescription.

1190
01:22:31,927 --> 01:22:33,838
25 quid this car cost me.

1191
01:22:34,007 --> 01:22:36,760
After only five years, just look at it.

1192
01:22:51,367 --> 01:22:54,359
It's going to be a wet Christmas after all.

1193
01:22:54,527 --> 01:22:57,644
- This is not the way.
- There's no other way.

1194
01:22:57,807 --> 01:23:01,004
Look, once start that
and you'll have anarchy.

1195
01:23:01,167 --> 01:23:03,556
You must have order.

1196
01:23:03,727 --> 01:23:07,037
"Thou shalt not kill".

1197
01:23:07,207 --> 01:23:10,836
Except when it shall come to pass
thy trade route shall be endangered

1198
01:23:11,007 --> 01:23:14,716
and then shall thou slay the enemies
of General Motors and ICI.

1199
01:23:14,887 --> 01:23:19,358
Listen, suppose euthanasia was legalised
and your daughter let die

1200
01:23:19,527 --> 01:23:22,439
and then in 20 years from now
a cure is found.

1201
01:23:22,607 --> 01:23:25,360
- Her brain starts working?
- Yes.

1202
01:23:25,527 --> 01:23:28,405
Six-week-old brain
in a 30-year-old body?

1203
01:23:29,487 --> 01:23:31,876
I meant some kind of grafting.

1204
01:23:31,927 --> 01:23:34,316
Brain of a 30-year-old accident victim?

1205
01:23:36,087 --> 01:23:37,679
No.

1206
01:23:52,367 --> 01:23:55,723
What's funny-daddy been up to, my rose?

1207
01:23:56,367 --> 01:23:58,278
(DOOR OPENS)

1208
01:24:06,047 --> 01:24:08,117
It's raining.

1209
01:24:08,287 --> 01:24:11,006
- Oh, Christ!
- Pam's gone for the medicine.

1210
01:24:15,567 --> 01:24:17,398
Thank God.

1211
01:24:17,567 --> 01:24:19,797
Don't let Brian touch her.

1212
01:24:19,967 --> 01:24:24,245
- Where are you going?
- To fetch a doctor. She's seriously ill.

1213
01:24:24,407 --> 01:24:27,683
I'll run my mother home.
I can ring from there.

1214
01:24:27,847 --> 01:24:30,042
No, do it now!

1215
01:24:36,927 --> 01:24:38,485
Oh, God!

1216
01:24:43,767 --> 01:24:47,237
- Sheila, I'll do it from a local box.
- Oh, would you, Freddie?

1217
01:24:47,407 --> 01:24:50,717
- I'll dial Emergency.
- Yes, an ambulance. Say, it's urgent.

1218
01:24:50,887 --> 01:24:54,243
Oh, wait. I'll show you where the box is.

1219
01:25:04,887 --> 01:25:07,799
If you get your things, mother,
I'll run you home.

1220
01:25:07,967 --> 01:25:09,685
There's gratitude for you.

1221
01:25:09,847 --> 01:25:13,442
I'm stuck up there day after day
like a blooming nun.

1222
01:25:13,607 --> 01:25:16,679
I thought I'd be offered
a nice cup of tea. Never mind.

1223
01:25:16,847 --> 01:25:21,159
We'll have one when we get home.
Wrap her warm, Brian. Put a scarf on.

1224
01:25:21,327 --> 01:25:25,286
I got some Garibaldis.
I know you like a Garibaldi.

1225
01:25:25,447 --> 01:25:29,406
Not too much at home now you've gone
and your father's passed on.

1226
01:25:29,567 --> 01:25:33,958
When we came out of the Odeon, it was
cutting down Union Street like a knife.

1227
01:25:34,127 --> 01:25:36,925
I said to Mrs Parry,
"Oh, my Lord, what a night".

1228
01:25:37,087 --> 01:25:40,363
She said, "Yes, they said we were in
for something of the kind,

1229
01:25:40,527 --> 01:25:42,358
"probably lasting until February."

1230
01:25:42,527 --> 01:25:46,520
So I said, " What a shame
for the old people".

1231
01:25:46,687 --> 01:25:50,680
She said, "Grace, I hate to remind you,
but we're the old people now."

1232
01:25:50,847 --> 01:25:54,078
(DOORBELL)

1233
01:25:58,927 --> 01:26:02,317
Sheila, why don't you
keep yourself warm and wrap up too.

1234
01:26:02,487 --> 01:26:04,239
I was just telling Brian...

1235
01:26:04,407 --> 01:26:07,922
That old car, no heaters,
and drafts in all directions.

1236
01:26:10,927 --> 01:26:14,840
- Where's Jo?
- What?

1237
01:26:15,007 --> 01:26:20,001
- She's gone.
- Well, how can she have gone?

1238
01:26:20,167 --> 01:26:24,957
Up to bed, the poor mite.
She shouldn't be sitting up at all hours.

1239
01:27:09,207 --> 01:27:11,198
- Has he come in yet?
- No.

1240
01:27:11,367 --> 01:27:14,006
- Mind those cats now.
- (CAT MEOWS)

1241
01:27:14,167 --> 01:27:16,078
No, no, you stay in there!

1242
01:27:51,687 --> 01:27:53,678
(RINGS DOORBELL)

1243
01:27:56,887 --> 01:27:59,242
Sheila, whatever are you doing?

1244
01:27:59,407 --> 01:28:01,318
(CAT MEOWS)

1245
01:28:01,487 --> 01:28:02,806
(GRACE) Oh, no!

1246
01:28:24,887 --> 01:28:26,445
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

1247
01:28:28,327 --> 01:28:29,760
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

1248
01:28:35,287 --> 01:28:37,323
(CAR HORN)

1249
01:28:46,127 --> 01:28:47,401
You all right?

1250
01:28:47,567 --> 01:28:50,957
- Yes. Where have you been?
- I'd been to call an ambulance.

1251
01:28:51,127 --> 01:28:53,038
Well, I've got the meds.

1252
01:28:53,207 --> 01:28:56,358
- It's too late for that, I'm afraid.
- Oh God!

1253
01:29:14,487 --> 01:29:16,478
(DOORBELL)

1254
01:29:29,527 --> 01:29:31,757
(BROKEN VOICE) I think it's all over.

1255
01:29:46,407 --> 01:29:48,762
(WHIMPERS)

1256
01:29:48,927 --> 01:29:51,361
- Oh, my poor blossom...
- What have you done?

1257
01:29:51,527 --> 01:29:53,722
I took her outside.

1258
01:29:55,567 --> 01:29:57,285
Little worm. Poor little worm.

1259
01:29:57,447 --> 01:30:03,363
I was going to leave her in the garden,
but I couldn't.

1260
01:30:03,527 --> 01:30:06,599
Can anyone do the kiss of life?

1261
01:30:06,767 --> 01:30:10,282
No, no, no, I can't.

1262
01:30:10,447 --> 01:30:14,076
- Can you feel a pulse?
- (SOBS) No, I can't!

1263
01:30:15,807 --> 01:30:18,685
Oh, my poor dove.
She's freezing.

1264
01:30:23,767 --> 01:30:25,962
Where have you been with her?

1265
01:30:26,127 --> 01:30:27,879
In the car.

1266
01:30:28,047 --> 01:30:32,598
- Lend me a looking glass.
- Oh, oh, my handbag.

1267
01:30:32,767 --> 01:30:35,122
Come on, my bird.

1268
01:30:45,047 --> 01:30:48,403
Oh, Bri! You shouldn't.

1269
01:30:48,567 --> 01:30:52,685
Poor little mite, however bad she was,
you shouldn't do a thing like that.

1270
01:30:52,847 --> 01:30:56,442
Come on, sunshine. Try it for mummy.

1271
01:30:56,607 --> 01:30:59,599
There, there. Everything will be all right.

1272
01:30:59,767 --> 01:31:01,041
There, there.

1273
01:31:01,207 --> 01:31:05,564
- Perhaps, the glass isn't cold enough.
- For the condensation. No.

1274
01:31:05,727 --> 01:31:07,319
- Look, a bit of fluff.
- What?

1275
01:31:07,487 --> 01:31:10,718
- Well, a feather.
- Yes, of course!

1276
01:31:13,887 --> 01:31:15,400
Here.

1277
01:31:15,567 --> 01:31:17,285
There.

1278
01:31:17,447 --> 01:31:21,520
- Oh, never mind,
- Oh, go on, go on. Close to her mouth.

1279
01:31:21,687 --> 01:31:24,724
That's how we knew poor dad was gone.

1280
01:31:41,167 --> 01:31:42,680
(DOORBELL)

1281
01:31:43,807 --> 01:31:48,642
That will be the ambulance. No one say
anything. I'll answer all the questions.

1282
01:31:48,807 --> 01:31:52,117
There's no need
for unnecessary suffering.

1283
01:31:52,287 --> 01:31:54,403
Sheila...

1284
01:31:54,567 --> 01:31:56,478
- Come on, Sheila.
- No!

1285
01:31:56,647 --> 01:31:58,478
- Come on.
- No, no!

1286
01:31:58,647 --> 01:32:02,925
I'll take her. Come on. Let me take her.
That's it, come on.

1287
01:32:42,927 --> 01:32:45,043
Sheila's staying the night.

1288
01:32:50,567 --> 01:32:52,603
What happened?

1289
01:32:53,967 --> 01:32:59,280
- They pulled her through again.
- Oh, Bri, thank God!

1290
01:33:16,247 --> 01:33:18,556
Oh, night, Freddie. Thanks.

1291
01:33:19,487 --> 01:33:20,966
- Bri?
- Yeah.

1292
01:33:21,127 --> 01:33:24,437
You simply must come
to dinner sometime.

1293
01:33:24,607 --> 01:33:26,723
Oh, I'd love to.

1294
01:34:20,967 --> 01:34:23,800
(SQUEALING)

1295
01:35:03,647 --> 01:35:06,798
There you are, lovely.

1296
01:35:06,967 --> 01:35:09,686
Home again.

1297
01:35:09,847 --> 01:35:11,439
Safe and sound.

1298
01:35:11,607 --> 01:35:14,167
(BLOWS KISS)

1299
01:35:15,647 --> 01:35:18,081
(SIGHS)

1300
01:35:26,527 --> 01:35:29,519
I thought they were going
to keep her in for a few days.

1301
01:35:29,687 --> 01:35:33,157
Well, they wanted to,
but what's the point?

1302
01:35:33,327 --> 01:35:37,605
I've seen her through pneumonia,
flu and more colds than I can count.

1303
01:35:37,767 --> 01:35:39,962
Why bother busy nurses?

1304
01:35:41,927 --> 01:35:46,603
Anyway, she didn't fancy it.
Did you, lovely?

1305
01:36:05,487 --> 01:36:09,196
How are you, lovely?

1306
01:36:09,367 --> 01:36:11,756
Still a bit dopey.

1307
01:36:11,927 --> 01:36:14,725
But her pulse is stronger
and she's breathing well.

1308
01:36:14,887 --> 01:36:17,321
Tough as old boots, Dad.

1309
01:36:17,487 --> 01:36:20,160
She'll get the Queen's telegram,
you'll see.

1310
01:36:25,607 --> 01:36:27,325
I better go to school.

1311
01:36:27,487 --> 01:36:29,876
- Oh, you're not going.
- Yeah, I must.

1312
01:36:30,047 --> 01:36:32,720
- I'll phone the head, if you're frightened.
- It's not fair on the other staff.

1313
01:36:32,887 --> 01:36:34,036
I thought, I...

1314
01:36:34,207 --> 01:36:36,437
What are you doing?

1315
01:36:36,607 --> 01:36:43,319
"I'll get home and make him
bacon and eggs and fried apple rings..."

1316
01:36:43,487 --> 01:36:45,637
I've had some tea and toast.

1317
01:36:45,807 --> 01:36:51,040
"Then I'll take him up to bed
and climb in with him."

1318
01:36:51,207 --> 01:36:56,645
And what do I find?
So I just have to get these clothes off.

1319
01:36:56,807 --> 01:37:00,720
And we can stay there
all day up to our tricks.

1320
01:37:29,847 --> 01:37:31,883
Last night...

1321
01:37:32,927 --> 01:37:35,316
I thought about
what you tried to do to Joe.

1322
01:37:35,487 --> 01:37:38,684
I was rather twist, you know.
My mum and Freddie.

1323
01:37:38,847 --> 01:37:40,599
No.

1324
01:37:40,767 --> 01:37:46,319
It was my fault. I've been asking too
much of you. So, do you know what?

1325
01:37:49,887 --> 01:37:52,845
I'm going to look
for a residential hospital...

1326
01:37:54,607 --> 01:37:59,078
...where I'm sure she'll be well
looked after and won't pine.

1327
01:38:02,167 --> 01:38:04,886
And when I've found it,
do you know what?

1328
01:38:08,447 --> 01:38:12,156
You and I are going to leave her there...

1329
01:38:15,247 --> 01:38:18,284
...for, I don't know, three weeks...

1330
01:38:19,647 --> 01:38:21,763
...maybe a month every year.

1331
01:38:24,287 --> 01:38:26,084
Go abroad.

1332
01:38:29,847 --> 01:38:32,122
Do you realise...

1333
01:38:35,087 --> 01:38:38,716
...we haven't been abroad for 11 years?

1334
01:38:40,847 --> 01:38:43,156
We can have a second honeymoon.

1335
01:38:43,327 --> 01:38:45,397
Starting now.

1336
01:38:54,807 --> 01:38:56,923
I'll go and ring the school, then.

1337
01:38:57,087 --> 01:38:58,918
Couldn't that wait till afterwards?

1338
01:39:03,367 --> 01:39:06,006
(BRI GIGGLES)

1339
01:39:13,527 --> 01:39:16,041
You dirty little animal.

1340
01:39:21,367 --> 01:39:22,641
(JO MOANS)

1341
01:39:23,647 --> 01:39:26,525
Now look what you've done.

1342
01:40:00,207 --> 01:40:03,961
Daddy's given you breakfast.
What are you crying for?

1343
01:40:06,487 --> 01:40:09,126
(AIRPLANE ENGINE)

1344
01:40:10,527 --> 01:40:14,725
Got some seed. What a daddy?

1345
01:40:14,887 --> 01:40:16,764
Aren't we lucky?

1346
01:40:36,567 --> 01:40:38,000
Single to London, please.

1347
01:40:38,167 --> 01:40:41,159
(CLOCK TICKING)

1348
01:40:50,767 --> 01:40:53,440
(TICKING)

1349
01:41:01,287 --> 01:41:03,323
(WHISTLE)

1350
01:41:32,647 --> 01:41:35,241
(TICKING CONTINUES)